In a post shared to r/AskReddit, site user u/Dani0873 asked, "Adults who are married, what small things that you do make your marriage stronger?" Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:
1. "There is something I do to make my wife's day brighter: she truly believes that finding a penny heads-up is good luck. Intermittently I will place a heads-up penny somewhere slightly conspicuous so that she'll find it. I almost always do this if she's having a bad day. She's never caught on."
2. "Every day we lay down and hold each other tight for five minutes. No talking, no kissing, or anything else. We both believe intimacy is crucial to a relationship and it can be as simple as lying down and holding each other tight for five minutes every day."
3. "Do the chores. Seriously. All the love notes and cuddles don't mean shit if you leave your dishes by the sink."
4. "I've found that regularly asking about her day and genuinely listening to the details makes a world of difference. It shows that you're invested in her life beyond the superficial. And when she's stressed, I make sure to give her some space to unwind or offer a helping hand if she needs one. It’s all about understanding and responding to her emotional needs without her having to ask."
5. "When you are mad… SAY IT! Stop holding it in and resenting the other person."
6. "Adding on to this, if your partner hurts your feelings, instead of saying what they did wrong (which naturally often causes a defensive reaction), just say 'ouch.' That simple phrase changed everything about how we argue. Instead of escalating, it makes you acknowledge that you just hurt your partner."
7. "Love notes tucked away in lunch boxes."
8. "Assume positive intent. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of assuming someone did something intentionally to hurt you. Nine times out of ten for us it’s a simple mistake or lapse in judgment. If it’s a serious issue then talk it out and explain why it happened, and how to not have it happen in the future."
9. "I text my wife 'I love you' every single day no matter what, and she does the same. Even if we are still in the same room it makes me smile every time. It kind of loses its meaning when you say it sometimes, but the intentionality of a text means it can’t mean anything other than what it reads and it means a lot to both of us."
10. "Date nights. We have put up a recurring event on our calendars every two weeks to go out and just do something together. It can't be overridden, cancelled, or otherwise changed. Even if we are tired, lazy, burnt out, or have a crazy work week... doesn't matter. Date night."
11. "We like each other. And act like it. A lot of couples seem to fall into a pattern of casual sniping and put-downs, which is uncomfortable to be around and I think erodes the relationship."
12. "My husband told me the other night that he snuggles with me every night before he goes to sleep. Our sleep schedules are different so I’m always the first to sleep since I usually have to wake up earlier for my shift. I told him I don’t always remember him snuggling me but I appreciate it."
13. "My wife and I set our alarm in the morning, then set another for five minutes later. We spoon and hold each other in bed for five minutes until the second alarm goes off."
14. "I was unemployed for months and staying home to conserve money. It was depressing and purposeless. But my husband would still ask me about my day every day. I felt like my life still mattered, and it helped to bridge the long hours that we spent living separate lives at work."
15. "We grab each other’s butts."
16. "We always say thank you and show gratitude, even for the small things that are expected."
17. "We have routines that emphasise our commitment (e.g. when we take off our wedding rings to exercise, the other person has to put the ring back on for you; we give each other a big good morning hug every day)."
18. "Little gifts! My husband and I are like crows. If I find something small and shiny it goes to my husband; if he finds a neat rock it goes to me. It's just one of those random little things that show they're thinking of you at the most unexpected times and it definitely always makes me feel more connected to my husband."
19. "Solve problems, don't win fights."
20. "I try to make her laugh at least once a day."
21. "Know each other's strengths and weaknesses and be a great team. My wife loves to cook but hates the prep and clean-up. So, I help with the prep and clean up after we're done."
22. "I’m divorced but I’ll tell you something I did wrong (and that’s kind of the same thing, right?). I never verbally let my wife know how much I appreciated her. I took her out and got her gifts, but I just never outright told her 'hey, I appreciate you and everything you do.'"
23. "Put extra love in my partner's coffee. When they are having a hard day, I will put extra love in their coffee by making kissing noises when making it. Hearing that makes them feel better."
24. "Say nice things about your spouse to anyone who'll listen."
25. "I read something recently about kissing more being a good relationship metric and sharing at least one six-second kiss a day. We started doing it jokingly, and now we love our long kisses. We get home from work and just stand in the kitchen and look at each other and kiss. It’s the best."
26. "I work from home, but my husband doesn’t. Every day I make a point to bid him goodbye at the door with a kiss and an 'I love you,' and I do the same thing when he gets home. It’s a small thing, but I hope it makes the start/end of his day a little bit sweeter."
27. "Eye contact. Even for a few seconds. Magical."
Shout out to r/AskReddit and u/Dani0873 for having this discussion.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.