4. "[Today I f*cked up] by yelling into my Teams meeting, 'Jesus Christ, check my fucking calendar!' I was not on mute."
"Someone was messaging me on the side asking if I could meet at certain times (my very limited free time is on my calendar). I exclaimed in pure frustration, 'Jesus Christ, check my f*cking calendar!' The meeting got really quiet and I realised what happened. I just gave a little sheepish 'my bad, thought I was muted' and went silent. The person I was yelling about messaged me on the side and apologised, which made me feel even worse.
I apologised, and said it was very unprofessional. I tried to explain how stressed I am with deadlines (very) and was venting but I still feel like a total ass, which is accurate. This was a smaller group of decent people so I don't think anyone will complain to my boss or anything like that, I just get to live with my embarrassing f*ck-up."
8. "[Today I f*cked up] by trying to deposit a $10 coin to my bank."
"I found a coin in my childhood room that was marked as being worth $10, put it in my jacket pocket, and headed back to my apartment. The next day I walked to my bank to exchange some euros for dollars and figured I might as well deposit the coin too.
When I asked the teller if he could deposit it for me he said 'ooh you really don't want to do that... a quarter ounce of pure gold. It's worth a hell of a lot more than ten dollars.'
He pointed me to a rare coin/gold shop a few blocks away and told me to bring it to them. I ended up selling it for $549 in cash, walking back to the bank depositing it into my account, and thanking the teller."
12. "I told people I got hit by a car but I actually ran myself over."
"I was out to dinner with my friends when I realised I had to get something from my car. I’d already been drinking as we’d gone to a winery. I got in the car and couldn't find what I was looking for.
The car park has no lights so I decided to turn my car on and back up a little then use the headlights to find it (my phone was inside and I was drunk). I put the car in park (found out very quickly I actually left it in neutral) and then got on the ground. The car started rolling back and I got up to chase after it. I got around the door and managed to put one foot in, I was trying to stomp on the brake when I somehow tumbled out of the car and ended up underneath it. My 2900-pound SUV rolled over the back of my left leg. I was so drunk I hadn’t even processed what just happened and I got back up to keep chasing after it. It slowly backed into another vehicle and finally stopped.
Nobody was outside or saw me. I drove to a different parking spot, went inside, and told my friends we needed to get the cheque. They said I looked dishevelled and asked me what happened. I said someone hit me with their car and they demanded security footage and to 'find out who did this to you!'. Luckily there is none and they don’t know that I’m both the victim and the main suspect in my own hit and run.
Before you ask, yes, the next day I went to the A&E to get checked out. No broken bones but I did get a bad muscle injury so the doctor monitored my CPK levels (which were double what they should be) and he also thinks I should press charges on whoever ran me over."
15. "I lied about being colourblind to everybody I know."
"It began in elementary, where I told all my friends and began hinting towards my parents. I began doing extensive research on certain types of colour blindness, and their commonness. I chose the most common type, a red-green colourblind type. I learned exactly how they saw and even began to be able to picture what each shade would look like in colourblind vision. As I grew old enough to realise these lies weren’t exactly okay, I had already had everyone around my finger. I was too deep into this lie. Soon after, I was gifted colourblind glasses by family. As the years went by, I found an amazing boyfriend who I’ve been with for three years now, and we’re planning to marry soon. He and his family believe I am colourblind. Everyone in my life believes I am colourblind. I cannot tell a single soul. Nobody knows."
18. "We can't seem to come up with a disposable drinking straw material that hits the sweet spot between lasting five minutes and lasting 500 years."
H/T to Reddit and the Redditors above for their contributions.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.