We've been rounding up the funniest, most satisfying, and most infuriating Reddit posts for the last couple of weeks. Now we're showing you the best from the entire month of April — enjoy!
8. "The venue my chess club rented threw us out at our opening night for bringing 'unauthorised outside material,' AKA chess boards and books."
"After weeks of discussions with the town hall, they finally accepted to 'hire' a venue to our chess club.
As we were setting everything up for our opening night, someone from town hall peeked in and pointed at the chess boards and pieces and asked us where we took them from. When we replied that they were ours, he told us that we were not allowed to bring in outside stuff 'if it had not been cleared with the director before.'
We tried telling him it was no big deal; we tried explaining that it is kind of usual for a chess club to bring chess sets; we tried promising him that we'd bring any of the paperwork he wanted in order as soon as possible. The man would not budge.
It somehow escalated from 'you shouldn't bring things here' to 'you will all leave.'
Then someone suggested calling the director. Which he did.
I don't know what he told her, but by the time we spoke to her, she had gone ballistic. She had NOT authorised us to bring chess sets. Our behaviour was inexcusable (?!). She would write us an official reprimand, and we needed to leave and take everything with us right now, or else. Then she hung up.
I wish I could stay we heroically resisted or something, but we're a group of chess nerds; so we took our stuff and left, and now I'm just ranting about it on the internet."
9. "AITA for telling my father 'I do know about that'?"
"I (F28) am a wildlife biologist. I have a master’s degree in Wildlife Conservation and am hoping to go for my doctorate soon. I have worked in this field since I was sixteen, and am very passionate about it.
When visiting my family recently for Easter, my mum asked me to tell the family a little bit about work. I was very excited to talk about my current research! Here’s where the issue comes in, though.
My father (M60) would respond to almost everything I said with ‘hmm, I don’t know about that…’ At first, I tried to ignore it, but it just. Didn’t. Stop. Eventually, I responded ‘Well, I do, given the two degrees and all!’ I responded in a light, playful tone, but he did not take it well at all. He immediately accused me of being disrespectful. I responded ‘I’m sorry, but it’s disrespectful of you to insinuate that you know more than I do about my field.’
Dinner got pretty quiet after that. I finished the meal, helped with the dishes, and said goodbye before leaving, but on the ride home I got a phone call from my mother asking me why I felt the need to aggravate my father and why I had to ‘talk back.’ I am a 28-year-old professional, this feels insane to me. AITA?"
13. "[Today I f*cked up] by yelling into my Teams meeting, 'Jesus Christ, check my f*cking calendar!' I was not on mute."
"Someone was messaging me on the side asking if I could meet at certain times (my very limited free time is on my calendar). I exclaimed in pure frustration, 'Jesus Christ, check my f*cking calendar!' The meeting got really quiet and I realised what happened. I just gave a little sheepish 'my bad, thought I was muted' and went silent. The person I was yelling about messaged me on the side and apologised, which made me feel even worse.
I apologised, and said it was very unprofessional. I tried to explain how stressed I am with deadlines (very) and was venting but I still feel like a total ass, which is accurate. This was a smaller group of decent people so I don't think anyone will complain to my boss or anything like that, I just get to live with my embarrassing f*ck-up."
15. "I told people I got hit by a car but I actually ran myself over."
"I was out to dinner with my friends when I realised I had to get something from my car. I’d already been drinking as we’d gone to a winery. I got in the car and couldn't find what I was looking for.
The car park has no lights so I decided to turn my car on and back up a little then use the headlights to find it (my phone was inside and I was drunk). I put the car in park (found out very quickly I actually left it in neutral) and then got on the ground. The car started rolling back and I got up to chase after it. I got around the door and managed to put one foot in, I was trying to stomp on the brake when I somehow tumbled out of the car and ended up underneath it. My 2900-pound SUV rolled over the back of my left leg. I was so drunk I hadn’t even processed what just happened and I got back up to keep chasing after it. It slowly backed into another vehicle and finally stopped.
Nobody was outside or saw me. I drove to a different parking spot, went inside, and told my friends we needed to get the cheque. They said I looked dishevelled and asked me what happened. I said someone hit me with their car and they demanded security footage and to 'find out who did this to you!'. Luckily there is none and they don’t know that I’m both the victim and the main suspect in my own hit and run.
Before you ask, yes, the next day I went to the A&E to get checked out. No broken bones but I did get a bad muscle injury so the doctor monitored my CPK levels (which were double what they should be) and he also thinks I should press charges on whoever ran me over."
16. "I lied about being colourblind to everybody I know."
"It began in elementary, where I told all my friends and began hinting towards my parents. I began doing extensive research on certain types of colour blindness, and their commonness. I chose the most common type, a red-green colourblind type. I learned exactly how they saw and even began to be able to picture what each shade would look like in colourblind vision. As I grew old enough to realise these lies weren’t exactly okay, I had already had everyone around my finger. I was too deep into this lie. Soon after, I was gifted colourblind glasses by family. As the years went by, I found an amazing boyfriend who I’ve been with for three years now, and we’re planning to marry soon. He and his family believe I am colourblind. Everyone in my life believes I am colourblind. I cannot tell a single soul. Nobody knows."
22. "I had the winning lottery numbers and changed it."
"I just started playing the lottery around the 1 billion dollar Powerball last week and found the odds on this game to be better. I used quick pick to pick my numbers in the app and decided to change them. I went back and forth between 25 and 34, and thought 25 would be the better choice.
I would have been set for life…."
23. "AITA for faking a serious eye injury, making my mum faint, and ruining my birthday party?"
"My mum thinks the height of humor is to smash my and my siblings' faces into our birthday cakes. I have no idea why but it amuses her.
I just turned 15 and I told her that if she planned to do that to me again I would rather not have a cake or even a party.
She promised that she would not do it and she was upset that I threatened to not attend if she planned it without that promise.
I knew she was lying because I know her. So I made a plan with my friends. One of them does cosplay and helped me out with a very basic trick. The other two who were also present at my party were there to play along and make it worse.
When my mum smashed my face into the cake as expected I screamed like I was shot. I took the patch I had in my hand and pulled my face away from the cake and put my hand to my eye.
The patch had a stub of candle that stuck out between my fingers and some fake blood. My friends came to the rescue and I screamed that I couldn't see out of that eye. One of them looked under my hand and pretended to have to go to the bathroom to throw up.
My mum literally fainted. Once that happened I called off the joke really quickly. I showed everyone that it was just a joke. But the day was wrecked. There was fake blood everywhere and someone had called an ambulance. Which was good because we ended up needing it for my mum.
I didn't get in trouble because I showed my dad the texts showing that my mum had promised not to do the cake thing. But my mum is pissed that I made her look bad and like a liar because I showed everyone the texts because they were all mad at me to begin with.
I think that if she hadn't lied then nothing would have happened so this is all on her."
24. "I made my brother think he has alopecia for the last 15 years."
"This is probably the pettiest thing I have ever done, and I regret it to this day. When I was 15 years old, I got my first job and started to have some money of my own. I used my money to spoil myself and purchase nicer things like clothes, shoes, makeup, and salon-brand shampoo.
My brother used to constantly sneak into my bathroom and steal my nice shampoo. He would use it, and most of the time, he would leave it open in the bathtub. This would result in the rest of the shampoo going down the drain, leaving me with empty containers.
I hated him for taking my things. I tried to speak with my parents about this, but they told me that I should just learn to share.
One day, I went out and purchased hair removal cream. I mixed this into my shampoo bottle and left it in my bathroom. I gave him a verbal warning not to use my newly purchased bottle, but he stole it again anyway. Over the next few days, his hair slowly started to fall out, and small bald patches started to appear.
Seeing what I had done, I immediately emptied the remaining shampoo. I felt terrible, and I truly didn’t think it would have as dramatic an effect as it did. My mother took him to the doctor to get checked out, and they diagnosed him with alopecia. He then had to start using this special and terrible-smelling shampoo to combat this.
His hair did grow back, but I have just recently found out that he is still using the shampoo to prevent another alopecia flare-up. It has been 15 years now, and I have never told my brother that I caused him to lose his hair."
31. "I've been running a company totally drunk for more than a year."
"Literally every decision is made drunk. I review budgets, fire/hire employees, review contracts for customers and subs, send emails, attend meetings, etc.
All while blackout or at least buzzed."
H/T to Reddit and the Redditors above for their contributions.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
What's the wildest thing you've heard or read this month? Let us know in the comments below!
Additional thumbnail credits: NBC / Walt Disney Television Animation