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Stuff Modern Dads Say

Involved fatherhood can’t be summed up in one line. There are, however, a good number of lines you’ll hear dads utter time and time again - and not just “because I said so,” (though that’s a good one too). Read these and then check out Modern Dads on A&E August 21st at 10:30pm. The author of this post is Zach Rosenberg, who is a Co-Founder of 8BitDad.

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“You have to always be on your game.”

Kids are like little velociraptors looking for food, so dads know they've got to be on their game, throwing out pieces of goat meat at them constantly or they’ll be the next meal.

“I want to be his hero”

8bitbry / Via

It doesn't matter whether they've got a son or daughter - dads want their little kid to look up to them like their own personal Superman. Or Batman, since he had a cooler belt. But never Aquaman because talking to fish makes nobody a hero.

“What, are you poopin’? You wipe your own butt...”

Dads are always there to lend a helping hand, but when that hand is going to potentially be covered in doodoo-butter, it’s high time you kid learns a new bathroom skill. Not that getting a fistful of poo scares any dad, it’s just that they know their kid’s capable of doing it themselves. Okay, and they don’t want a fistful of poo.

“It’s definitely hard to say ‘no’.”

likeadad / Via

Hamburgers for breakfast? Waffles for dinner? Why not? When kids start making fun-sounding requests that won’t potentially hurt them, it’s hard for dad to say “no”. Plus, a hamburger for breakfast contains all of the food groups if you use the right condiments.

“It’s about being there”

zjrosenberg / Via

Any modern, involved father will tell you - it’s about both quality and quantity of time. The United States trails almost every other nation for paternity leave (BTW, Swedish dads get 480 days paid leave!), so dads take every moment that counts - paid or unpaid - to be with with their kids.

“Nothing can shock me.”

dad_or_alive / Via

When mom’s cringing at the broken glass, vomit, night-terrors and a double-stack of diarrhea, that’s when dad uses his unflinching willpower to get the job done.

“Listen, if you guys stop giving me shit, I’ll check it out.”

Via Flickr: davekellam

Fathers will do whatever it is they need to do - pick up cake mix, start the taxes, look into a vasectomy - but you need to lay off or they’ll never do it. If they need to research or look up instructions, they will...while in the bathroom, so don’t pressure them to hurry it up.

“So guys, I got a problem.”

It’s a misconception that men don’t ask for help. Dads always have a core group of other guys that they go to with their issues. It’s not easy - society’s been telling men to “suck it up,” and “be a man” for ages, so sometimes it takes awhile for a guy to let on that something’s the matter...but he’ll spill the beans when the time is right.

“Better than a party planner?”

athers love affirmation. Whether they put together the BBQ grill instead of letting the store do it, or threw your one year old a princess-themed party instead of getting a party planner, dads want to know that they pulled off something better than whoever you would have hired otherwise.

Zach Rosenberg was compensated for this post.

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