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For Everyone Who Knows In Their Heart That Spicy Food Is The Worst

If I wanted to be in this much pain, I would literally just light my tongue on fire.

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Everyone seems to go around talking about how much they loooove spicy food.

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Well guess what — it stops here.

Because it's pretty clear that spicy food is one of the worst things in the world.

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Eating it is akin covering your tongue in literal fire, swallowing said fire, and then attempting not to cry from pain.

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All the water in the world won't help, so you're stuck in pure agony.

Your pores open up and let loose a deluge of less-than-pleasant sweat from every corner of your being.

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Your eyes start watering like crazy, the physical pain and the emotional pain now in sync.

Your chest seizes up in distress as if someone is trying to cram a flamethrower down your esophagus.

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Your stomach protests, unable to handle such a great inferno.

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You're left, body writhing in anguish, just praying for an end.

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Friends tell you you're overreacting. But you know that they are simply not reacting at all.

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Unfortunately, it is everywhere. You cannot escape the spice.

Indian food? More like In-PAIN-dian food.

Hot wings? Hotter than Hades.

And when someone asks if you want some hot sauce on your food, you're completely repulsed.

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You try, you strive to give spice another shot. Surely, it cannot be as bad as you think.

Alas. It is.

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All you can do is to gaze upon these peppers, this monstrous waterfall of spice from the bowels of hell, and say, with a passionate fervor, "NOT TODAY, SPICY FOOD. NOT TODAY."

Because spicy food is the ABSOLUTE WORST. PERIOD.

Darren Brode / Via shutterstock.com

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