For Everyone Who Knows In Their Heart That Spicy Food Is The Worst

If I wanted to be in this much pain, I would literally just light my tongue on fire.

1. Everyone seems to go around talking about how much they loooove spicy food.

2. Well guess what — it stops here.

3. Because it’s pretty clear that spicy food is one of the worst things in the world.

4. Eating it is akin covering your tongue in literal fire, swallowing said fire, and then attempting not to cry from pain.

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5. All the water in the world won’t help, so you’re stuck in pure agony.

6. Your pores open up and let loose a deluge of less-than-pleasant sweat from every corner of your being.

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7. Your eyes start watering like crazy, the physical pain and the emotional pain now in sync.

8. Your chest seizes up in distress as if someone is trying to cram a flamethrower down your esophagus.

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9. Your stomach protests, unable to handle such a great inferno.

10. You’re left, body writhing in anguish, just praying for an end.

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11. Friends tell you you’re overreacting. But you know that they are simply not reacting at all.

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12. Unfortunately, it is everywhere. You cannot escape the spice.

13. Indian food? More like In-PAIN-dian food.

14. Hot wings? Hotter than Hades.

15. And when someone asks if you want some hot sauce on your food, you’re completely repulsed.

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16. You try, you strive to give spice another shot. Surely, it cannot be as bad as you think.

17. Alas. It is.

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18. All you can do is to gaze upon these peppers, this monstrous waterfall of spice from the bowels of hell, and say, with a passionate fervor, “NOT TODAY, SPICY FOOD. NOT TODAY.”

19. Because spicy food is the ABSOLUTE WORST. PERIOD.

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