Dear 30 Year Old Men (And Women) Please Stop Doing This Today

Every single man I've dated do these 6 very specific things and can you like grow up already?

1) Being a Mama's Boy

It's great that you love your mom but you're in your late 20s and early 30s, you do not need to ask their permission to date me, and even worse, you do not need to call your mom to tell her when you are getting home, in the middle of our date

2) Grabbing my hand and putting it on your junk

Instant turn off. If I want to give you a "intimate massage" I'll do it myself.

3) Similarly, "jokingly" shoving my head into your groin

Do I really need to explain this one?

4) Text language

Seriously, I have no time to decipher "heyyyy bby, you dtf????" Text language was maybe cute in middle school but when you text like that in your 30s, it makes you look lazy.

5) Leaving me to clean up the mess after sex

I clean up semen stains while you go downstairs and watch TV. Does that sound fair to you?

6) Please stop neglecting foreplay

Sex should be an event, not 10 minutes of turning me over and going to town before going on with your day. Just 5 minutes of foreplay and 5 minutes of cuddling afterwards makes the whole thing a lot more enjoyable