“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.”
-Marianne Williamson
The official VEVO video of Kesha’s new single, “Praying” has a bit more meat to it than just hearing the other audio versions. While the video, in my opinion, is a remarkable masterpiece; the lyrics and pre-song speech take us through the stages of grief and healing. Kesha takes us on a trip from beginning to end. The journey goes through the numbness and shock of an injury or attack, to the gut wrenching pain, the lense of fault, and ends at forgiveness. This is five minutes of music, lyrics and emotion pulling us from where we are listening (Wherever and however that may be.) to the depths of her soul.
Kesha’s bruised but healing soul is where all the pain is. Where the song starts. Where she contemplates and even requests death muttering, “Am I dead? … What is the lesson?... What is the point?” Ending her speech with, “Please just let me die.” This is begged of some all powerful being before beginning her heartstring-yanking narrative. Now, to those who missed the whole issue at hand here; Kesha went to court and was denied justice for the rape and sexual assaults that were done to her by someone she was supposed to trust. This person was her producer, Dr. Luke. Unlike Kesha, I have never experienced this level of violation. Like Kesha, I have experienced the breaking point where you ask, “Why?” When the pain has gone too far, and for too long. When you cannot find an escape, but that is just fine by you.
This pain is justified. In my case. In Kesha’s. This pain is in her soliloquy where Kesha laments, “Being alive just hurts too much.” She is so far past done. As a listener, and now captive audience, some may feel the pain resonate in their very core as I did. The pain that is brought back full force with the lyrics, “You brought the flames and you put me through Hell.”
This is some imagery that is exceedingly familiar to someone who has dealt with demons of their own. Whether they are inside or out is of no consequence because while this song may be (seemingly) about Dr. Luke; Kesha has more demons. Inside. This was someone, as I said, that she was told she could trust her rapist explicitly. She just had to be a good girl and listen to what she was told. So, who’s fault is it really? Who made everything go so wrong? You can practically hear her demons with the lyrics, “You almost had me fooled. Told me that I was nothing without you.” It is almost cinematic how he had her right where he wanted her, but her strength was too great. This strength, however, does not negate her pain.
Like a lot of pain, anger comes along too. While she is telling the audience that she “wishes him farewell” the anger is there. What it takes a couple of listens to truly understand though is that she is angry with herself. She goes on to sing, “I had to learn how to fight for myself.” But how long did it take to learn? How long did it take to stand? How long did it take to get anywhere with anyone that would listen and help? Too long. And he got away with it. The outcome of the trial and media frenzy could have caused her to feel at fault.
Then, with a burst of self love, she proclaims, “And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known.” This is the strength of someone who is healing. Someone who is learning to love themselves again. She is learning and showing those listening that it starts inside yourself. She sings, ““I’m proud of who I am. No more monsters. I can breathe again.” And sets the record straight to herself and her audience with, “Someday, maybe you’ll see the light. . . Some things, only God can forgive.” The whole song is littered with, and concludes with the phrase, “I hope you're somewhere praying, praying. I hope your soul is changing, changing. I hope you find your peace. Falling on your knees, praying.”
This is meaningful in and of itself because she is telling us the conclusion that she came to throughout her pain, sorrow and growth. Forgiveness is something you give yourself. You cannot truly forgive others and alleviate their guilt or pain. Nor can they forgive you for the pain that you blame on yourself. She doesn’t have to forgive him. She doesn’t ever have to think about him again because only he can find the forgiveness his soul craves; for himself. He has to walk that path alone just as she did. “Someday, maybe you'll see the light.” That is what she says to the man who caused so much pain. Kesha sets a remarkable example for those who may still be struggling. The example that healing takes time, and forgiveness. She can heal now because she knows that sometimes all you can do is keep praying.
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