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This Is Why Rogue One Is Soooooooo Much Better Than The Force Awakens And What They Did Right Compared To What The Force Awakens Did Wrong.

Hey what do ya know? A Star Wars movie that's actually finally good for once, and go didn't have JJ-phucking-Abrams directing it/ruining it/doing this thing where he walks around shitting all over the established lore and canonicity of another storyteller's creation but then also pretty much plagiarizing from the works of other creative geniuses.

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1. They don't screw around with how the Force is supposed to work


The major issue with The Force Awakens was the fact that it basically $hat all over well-established Star Wars canon when it came to how the Force works and how it doesn't.

Daisy Ridley's character should NOT have had access to the 'Force Mind Tricks' ability. That is aMASTER level 'spell', and yes it's true that there are actually real rankings within the Jedi hierarchy. It's also true that the Jedi Order recognized these rankings and actually correlated them pretty well with what 'powers' the holders may have as well as their overall strength level as a Jedi and the type of responsibilities each rank had. So it wasn't like that whole rankings and spells thing were just thrown in haphazardly and without any rhythm behind the madness, there were real rules and patterns behind it. Rules that Jar Jar-frickin' Abrams decided to just screw over when he made Force Awakens.

It doesn't matter HOW talented or "strong with the Force" you still need to actually learn how to use the Force.

Just like how it wouldn't matter how sharp your vision is that you were naturally born with you would still need to learn how to shoot a gun in order to become a proficient marksman.

So ya...when JJ Abrams magically gave Daisy Ridley this Force superpower he completely disregarded one of the most solidly established rules in Star Wars.

But don't worry guys!

Rogue One doesn't do that kinda stupid $hit.

They actually obeyed the rules this time.

Donnie Yen's character, Chirrut Imme (OK I'll admit I actually had to look up his name), follows the 'logic' of the Force that was established in previous entries of Star Wars.

Although he is Force-sensitive, he is not a Force-user. And therefore, his abilities with the Force is not as extensive as that of a trained Jedi.

Despite that, the movie implies that his combat abilities and his 'super-hearing' are being enhanced or otherwise augmented by his attunement to the Force. In fact, it may even be surmised that his enhanced hearing are arguably the result of the Force flowing more smoothly thru him.

And the scene where he was able to sense Cassian's murderous intent definitely exemplifies another aspect of the Force...which is that it reflects the minds and emotional/mental states of the living.

This was 1,000x better than the crap that you saw last year.



Otherwise known as "Actually Competent Storm Troopers For Once".

But seriously...

They are KEWL!

They are Badass!

And they are PHUCKING AWESOME and don't miss for once.

Well...except against characters with plot armor...then that's a different story. But that's not really a fair comparison. There's not a whole of weapons that can actually penetrate plot armor.

Ya but seriously...

Just listen to that name!

Just listen to the sound of that name!

DEATH Troopers!

3. Diego Luna's Accent


IDK why, but it just sounds kewl.

4. Urban Combat Done Right!


The battle at Jedha actually looked and felt like a real battle in a real urban environment in a sci-fi universe for once.

It was portrayed with the grittiness of what urban warfare should look and feel like.

The inherent confusion and necessity for quick reflexes, sharp senses, and fast moving and thinking were all done right here.

The Storm Troopers knew to react as quickly as possible with extreme prejudice and overwhelming force before their enemies disappeared into the back streets.

The close-quarters nature of it meant that hand-to-hand combat was always just mere split-seconds away and that a blue-on-blue friendly fire incident was completely within the realm of possibility.

It definitely didn't look like any of the corny/cheesy crap that you saw in past movies, a.k.a. Ep. 1 The Phantom Menace and its 'kiddie-style' portrayal of fighting in the streets.

5. Jungle Warfare Done Right Too!


Basically, what I just said above except this time for jungle environments and not a city.

6. Scarif in General

Finally, we get to see a little more diversity in the planet 'types' in Star Wars.It's just another Desert planet!YAYYYYYY!!!!Hey but really. The visual style of Scarif as a planet and as a military installation and Imperial compound was done perfectly!A space battle over a lush jungle planet but mixed in with infantry combat on beaches as well finally added new 'favoring' into a lot of the old, bored, and repetitive backdrops used in the past.Trying new ideas and new things worked! What do ya know???People get tired of seeing the same old crap over and over maybe do something different for once???Novel idea right???

Finally, we get to see a little more diversity in the planet 'types' in Star Wars.

It's just another Desert planet!


Hey but really. The visual style of Scarif as a planet and as a military installation and Imperial compound was done perfectly!

A space battle over a lush jungle planet but mixed in with infantry combat on beaches as well finally added new 'favoring' into a lot of the old, bored, and repetitive backdrops used in the past.

Trying new ideas and new things worked!

What do ya know???

People get tired of seeing the same old crap over and over maybe do something different for once???

Novel idea right???

7. War Machines Actually Look Like Real War Machines and Not Oversized Toys Combined with Special Effects

It actually looked like that was a real walking behemoth war machine there that was coming at you, and that got hit.

That scene actually really just does look like someone with an Anti-Material weapon shooting at gigantic armored threat.

Same thing with the AT-ST from earlier.

It's nice to see that Star Wars is actually making an effort to portray the battles of their universe with more authenticity and a slight tinge of the brutal aspects of war than the 'kiddie-style' crap from before.

8. Kewler Space Battles

They're just simply better, simple as that.

They feel more engaging and are more adrenaline-inducing and overall thrilling.

It's like you're right there with the pilot vs. just watching someone else fly.

9. It Also PERFECTLY Explains the Original Trilogy's GAPING Plot Hole With the Death Star in the First Place!!!


So obviously by now you've probably already heard of the whole joke that the original Star Wars was filled with plot holes in its storyline.

While this is technically true, it's forgivable for the most part because of the overall impact and appeal that Star Wars has had over the decades.


That doesn't mean that you should just ignore it!

Generally speaking, if you are given a chance, as a writer, to fix something from before then you should take it.

And this is the perfect example of that principle in action.

Disney was finally able to rectify one of the biggest questions of George Lucas' original work.

Which is that why in the HAIL would a super-powerful galactic empire with nigh-infinite power, money, and resources have put such an EPICALLY stupid design flaw in their magnus opus of super-weapons???

Well, Rogue One now explains why it was there all along!

10. VADER!!!

Vader proves, once again, that he is definitely not...a NOOB!!!


Vader pwns noobs for fun.

Vader REKS scrubs for $hits and giggles.

Vader destroys the other team with melee attacks only.

Vader has a better k/d ratio than you.

Vader can carry his entire team, and then the other team...all at once!

Vader doesn't need any supports or healers.

Vader can play as both a Tank and a DPS at the same time.

Vader is definitely LEET!

Vader is 'Pro' at the game.

Vader is meta!

Oh and Vader is definitely...1337!!!

OK but really...did you see how easily he PWNED those scrub-noob rebels at the end there?

Here let me recap for you really quickly here:

*Rebel noobs runs into a broken door*

*Ominous sound*

*Lights darken*

*Rebel noobs look in the general direction of their imminent doom*

*Vader breath*

*lightsaber activates*

*Rebels $hit pants really quickly*

Rebel Noob #1: "OPEN FIRE!!!" (Ya, like that's gonna do anything! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

*Vader pwns noobs*

*Vader pwns more noobs*

*Vader REKS more rebel scrubs*

Rebel Scrub Who Can't Run Fast Enough to Save His Life: "HELP US!!!!!!"

*Vader ANNIHILATES some more rebel idiots with Force Powers*

That Same Guy Who Wished He Learned How to Run Faster When He Was a Kid: "Here!!! Take this! Take this!"


*Vader busts through door effortlessly with a lightsaber*

Stupid Rebel Guy Who Took the Death Star Blueprints Package: RUN!

*Vader starts RAMPAGING even harder through the ranks of the helpless newbz before him. *

*The one guy who had a brain in him and actually ran away instead of trying to delay his own inevitable death by hopelessly fighting against someone more LEET than him...actually manages to get away from the wrath of Vader, like a little betch...ya...too bad he'll die in Ep. 3 anyway! LOL!*

*Vader comes to the edge of his temporarily escaped prey...stares angrily*


Don't fuck with Vader...

11. One Last Thing

A lot of what I just said will not make any sense to you.

They are gamer references and using gamer-terminology and gaming-speak.

Just ask somebody who plays DOTA, CS:GO, Overwatch, League, or Heroes of the Storm.

They should be able to explain what it all means.

Oh and also...if you're pissed at me for ruining the movie for you...well...maybe you should...BITCH ABOUT IT SOME MORE!!!!


But honestly...

I actually didn't even realize how much of it I gave away until like just LITERALLY just NOW!!!!

And I'm too lazy to go back and do it all over again...especially, since I'm about to see the movie again.

IDK...maybe you should...just go see the damn movie already!



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