Before and After
The picture on the top is me at my smallest in high-school, this was NOT my goal, while I was slim, I wasn’t healthy. The image on the bottom left was me at my heaviest. I don’t have many other before pictures, because I tried my hardest to not get any pictures of my body. I didn’t feel like my outside matched my inside and I had a lot of shame towards my appearance. My breaking point was when someone commented asking when I was due, they thought I was pregnant. Looking back it was silly, I’m the same person I was then and I wish I had been a little kinder to myself. The image on the right was after losing 125 lbs.
Today I am 130 lbs lighter than I was when I started. I started in a size 16 and I now wear a size 5. It’s incredible to have watched my body change in ways I never expected, especially so quickly. In less than one year I had dropped 120 lbs, with more energy and strength that I ever had and felt amazing. However, there’s a side to losing a lot of weight that I haven’t seen many people talk about and that’s what I want to tell you guys about today.
What Size Am I?
It took me a good 6 months and to go clothes shopping. Before my weight-loss journey I lived in yoga pants, baggy shirts and hoodies. It took me until May to realize I might be able to pull off some other looks. I was a size 16 when I started and the first time I went shopping I surprised myself by purchasing a size 12 jeans. I have to admit, they were even a little baggy but there’s a lot more to changing yourself than just losing weight. There’s a lot of mental blocks that come with hiding and feeling shame for so long. Which takes us to #2.
Losing Weight Is Not A Fix-All
This is something that I wish more people realized when they start this journey, you should want to live in a body that feels right to you, but you should also focus on a healthy mindset as well. I know this sounds silly, but I thought that if I just got healthy all of my problems would disappear. HA! While a lot of health issues disappeared so many new mindset and emotional issues popped up. My body was changing, but my self-esteem was still an issue. It took months and months of a strict self-care regimen to really start feeling any better. Below are some things that have helped with this for me.
EFT tapping for self-love
Daily gratitude lists all about YOU. Write down what you are thankful for about your mind, body and soul. Do it in the morning then read it throughout the day.
Surround yourself with people who love you for you, not who they think you will be.
Get real with yourself. Are you expecting your new look to fix areas such as an unhealthy relationship or depression?
Set REASONABLE goals.
Journal, write, talk it out. There will be a lot of things that come up and make sure you have a way to vent those emotions.
Enjoy the ride, celebrate EVERY win, even if it’s just holding that plank for a few seconds longer.
Not Everyone Is Going To Have Something Nice to Say.
This one was shocking to me. It started off with, “Wow! You look amazing!”, “You look SO healthy” then the next month turned into, “You are going to disappear if you keep losing weight!”, ” Are you okay? You should eat something.” — It’s great to hear compliments for your hard work but , PLEASE don’t take the good or bad to heart. Your journey to health needs to be your own. Take the compliments with a “Thank you!” and just laugh off the haters. One of the weirdest things someone told me was, “You lost half a person!”… WHAT? I mean, I did lose a lot of weight, but it was a really odd comment– get ready for people to pick apart your changes through their own perspective, but don’t allow it to reflect who and what you are.
Your Body WILL Change
Not overnight, not in a week, maybe not for months, but it WILL change and sometimes not in the way that you wanted. I did this with BeachBody on Demand and cardio/running. Since I lost weight so quickly I had some extra skin around my tummy- it was not ideal, but it is something that happens. My breasts got smaller, my thighs got more muscular. Things happen, but learning to love yourself through every step of the way is really a beautiful thing.
You Are Fucking Beautiful.
When I first started my journey I told a few people of my plans and they said, “YES! Thank goodness you will look SO much better!” Throughout my journey people would comment on my appearance and how great I looked- which was nice, until I started to question how they really saw me before. In our society we have a hard time admitting beauty to someone who doesn’t live up to those standards, but honestly- fuck them. YOU ARE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL now and if you want to change your body you will be beautiful then. Your beauty is not a size or a number. You are amazing and deserve to feel beautiful every. freaking. second.