10 Reasons My Wife Almost Killed Me After Becoming A New Mom

I am hesitant to post this because I am afraid it will reveal that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I am going to do it anyway hoping that someone else out there can learn from my mistakes (or at least have a laugh). Following is a list of some of the silliest (and most embarrassing) things I said after our baby was born.

1. "Your labor and delivery was so tiring! I think I'll take a nap now."

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Yeah… She wasn’t as understanding as I thought on this.

2. "Now that I've watched the kids you owe me a favor"

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... still waiting for this favor

3. "I know our baby is just a week old but I already need a break. I think I am going to go fishing."

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It turns out I needed to think again.

4. "I'd take the baby off your hands but you're better at taking care of her"

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By show of hands, how many people think this worked?

5. "Why wouldn't I have time to join 5 fantasy football leagues?"

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Who knew babies took up so much time?

6. "If you wanted me to do the dishes, you should have asked"

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Apparently she shouldn’t have to ask.

7. "Oh did you want some coffee too?"

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Never get between a tired mom and her coffee…

8. "I can't change the diapers because they make me gag"

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Maybe I thought I was the only one who didn't enjoy the aroma.

9. "Why don't I have any clean clothes?"

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Guess who earned themselves laundry duty for the next six months?

10. "I know you just pushed a 9 lb 4 oz baby out but... how about a little lovin’?"

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Yeah . . . I slept on the couch that night

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I think I managed to step on every landmine (or do you see any I managed to avoid). Use the comment section below to say which one you liked most (or thought was the worst). If any of these made you smile and you want to spread a little joy, share using the social media buttons below.