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12 Facts That Prove Apples Are The Illuminati

Illuminati… or Illuminapple? The facts are too great to ignore. These eye-opening truths are brought to you by 5 Seeds Cider.

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1. Those who possess, or claim to possess, superior knowledge and enlightenment.

2. A centuries-old society of powerful intellectuals who secretly run the world.

1. According to one popular book, apples were the catalyst for Adam and Eve getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden.

Paul Dunleavy / CC by http://2.0 / Via Flickr: dunleavy_family

Scholars say that there's no proof that the fruit referred to in the Bible is actually an apple… which is EXACTLY what the apples want you to think.

8. In the fairy tale Snow White, the pasty protagonist is killed by an apple.

Aoshi_88 / CC BY-SA http://2.0 / image has been cropped / Via Flickr: aoshi_88

But don't worry, it's just fiction. In real life, apples are not deadly, and it's very hard to use an apple as a murder weapon. Also, while we're nitpicking, mirrors don't talk.

11. Apples are 25% air, so they float in water.

Imagine, a sea-spanning armada of apples. No continent is safe.

12. New York City is called "the Big Apple" because it controls the world.


Now, "historians" will tell you that the nickname was popularised by 1930s jazzman Fletcher Henderson in reference to the boundless excitement and opportunity, both artistic and financial, evoked by the city.

But we know better: New York is the beating heart of worldwide media and finance. New York is the biggest apple around. Therefore, apples control media and finance.


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