1. Everyone hides their valuables in pots and plants around their house.
And everyone’s got a really bad habit of leaving their front doors unlocked. You’d think people would be a bit more concerned with home security when there’s a Great Ancient Evil threatening the land, but nooooo.
2. Even if a sword is five times your body weight, you’ll still be able to lift it like it ain’t no thing.
Even if you have waspy pretty-boy noodle arms. Especially if you have waspy pretty-boy noodle arms.
3. Wild animals are always — always — carrying cold, hard cash. For some reason.
Who knew rent in the Forbidden Forest was so damn high?
4. If you kill enough rats then you’re 100% qualified to save the world.
It’s every hero’s mantra: skip the gym, hit the sewers.
5. Everyone anywhere will always want to stop and chat with you.
Every. Single. Time.
6. If someone has any form of amnesia, then they’re probably the Chosen One.
Can’t remember your name? You’re the Chosen One. Have a dark, mysterious secret? You’re the chosen one. Hometown burned down before the opening credits? You’re definitely the chosen one.
7. No matter how close to death you are, if you get a good night’s sleep then you’ll be back to full health the next day.
Real talk: there’s no mortal injury that a fluffy pillow and continental breakfast can’t heal.
8. The world might be ending any day now, but there’s always time to kick back and fish for a few hours.
Y’know, it’s a good thing that RPG heroes are never afraid to put aside the impending apocalypse and spend some real time on themselves.
9. No matter how ancient a dungeon is, it’ll always be conveniently lit with torches.
For dangerous, monster-infested deathtraps, RPG dungeons are awfully convenient.
10. Nobody’s capable of doing anything ever. Except for you.
Hey. I know you’re trying to stop that Evil Warlock from bringing about the End Of The World, but I really need someone to hit the farmer’s market for me. I mean, come on, you can’t be that busy.