1. Powering Your Phone
Back in the day, teens literally had to whisper sweet nothings to their high school crush — cause mom and dad were always within earshot of the rotary phone. Plus there was a thing called “Party lines,” which weren’t as cool as they sound.
2. The Convenient Hangout
According to Fonzie there is no easier way to hang out with friends than riding your motorcycle to Arnold’s and hanging out in the men’s room until your friends arrive.
3. Shopping From Home
Sears Roebuck catalogues were thicker than an encyclopedia, only with more lingerie sections for teenage boys to ogle. Its main shortcoming was the lack of Free Shipping that comes with Amazon Prime.
4. Graduation Cards
Graduation cards used to be all sentimental and if it weren’t for the money inside, their only function would be for paper airplanes or kindling for bonfires.
5. Board Games
Board Games? More like Bored Games compared to the apps — scientists say 90% of original Scrabble games are buried in closets under Connect Four and Crossfire.
6. Business Correspondence
Tired of stringing together letters and forming them into a complex series of sentences using a typewriter or word processor, today’s businessmen can snap off responses lickety split.
7. Reviewing Concerts
You want to know about the future of Rock and Roll? Twitter is f@$%ing it up for everybody. Reviewing a live performance used to take about a thousand words and ear for poetry, now it’s done in 140 characters, and sometimes includes the word “sucks”.
8. Saving Your Contacts
Over stuffed pockets full of business cards and little black books have slowly given way to a digital contact list that updates and arranges itself. It’s a science fact that this is the root cause of skinny jeans.
9. Asking For Directions
I can recall chatting with local strangers for hours on end about the names of foreign thoroughfares and throughways as they pointed and squinted at the foreboding distance. Now I just ask the internet in my pocket. GPS - Tearing people apart one wrong turn at a time.
10. Vacation Postcards
Post Cards from the world-weary travelers various stops used to come in compact, crafted messages like “Greetings From____” and “Wish You Were Here”. Now we’re lucky if we get a Facebook pic and a smile. Album titles of the future will surely suffer.
11. Sending Money
Used to be, that when you wrote a check at the grocery store, you didn’t actually have to have the money to cover it. Now through the miracle of modern interneting, check cards, and online transfers it’s almost impossible to scam the grocery store.
12. To Do List
Writing with your hands is so 2006.