2. Getting out of bed was a nightmare.
The idea of trudging through another boring-ass morning = MAD BLEAK.
3. And work/school/general life on Earth is just, like, IMPOSSIBLE right now.
The drabness of it all! UGH.
6. Because today, my friend? You’re going to channel your inner Robyn.
“Hello. Follow me toward spiritual enlightenment/dance floor heaven.”
7. You’re gonna summon the CRAMAZING space-alien queen inside you and dominate, pop-diva style!
8. It’s simple, darling! First, just remember you’re a STAR.
You’re light-years ahead of the game, gorgeous.
9. Then it’s time to get powered the hell UP.
Prepare to conquer the planet (and shimmy a whole hell of a lot in the process).
10. So what if you’re wearing sweatpants because you missed your alarm?
You’re still way fiercer than everybody who woke up at 6, duh.
11. In fact, when you catwalk down the street, people are all…
“How is it possible to be so immaculate?”
12. And for good reason. I mean, you’re basically the flossiest human alive. So WORK.
Wait, are you even a person, or some kind of interstellar princess?
14. Whatever the case, do the mere earthlings around you a solid and LET YOUR BODY TALK.
DANCE IT OUT LIKE THE MAGNIFICENT MANIAC YOU ARE.
15. Then recognize that you’re not just a pretty face. You work hard, and the results are AMAZING.
No one understands how you accomplish so much while simultaneously looking like a flawless goddess from the future.
16. It’s like, do intergalactic dance priestesses get tired? NO. So when you put your mind to something…
17. You can achieve things no one else believed were possible.
18. And if anyone tries to stand in your way, just be like,
“I don’t speak ‘basic bitch,’ sorry.”
19. Because you’re above the pettiness of mere mortals. YOU ARE ROBYN, DAMMIT.
20. Ya heard, haters?
This is what it means to be a legendary queen.
22. In closing, take some extra time to love yourself today. Praise your inner celestial empress!
23. You’re a beautiful, unique creature. A veritable gift to this undeserving world!
25. Just brush your shoulders off and WORK IT OUT as only you know how.
26. Maybe even hump the floor a little in celebration.
27. Because congratulations are in order, killer. You’re now officially owning today, Robyn-style.
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