1. Get ready, because you’re about to learn the secrets of truly living well.
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2. And thank fucking god for that, because I seriously didn’t know how I was going to keep on going the way that I have been before I read the 70—70—tweets that make up Eat, Pray, Limp: The Wes Borland Guide To Love, Laughter, And Life.
3. For real, though? A lot of what he tweeted is useful/relatable in the bland way that horoscopes can be. It’s weirdly soothing to be told things like this, albeit by a man who is creatively partnered with Fred Durst:
7. (Okay, so it’s sort of hard not to find these totally charming, no matter how ridiculous they are.)
10. And sometimes his advice is even useful, if a little gross.
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14. Oh, no. Do I have a crush on Wes Borland after reading these?
16. Yeah, I guess I do. This is the worst.