1. Age 1: As Our Slaves
When we want it, we get it.
2. Age 2 : As Our Personal Bib
Because everyone needs a shoulder to spit up on.
3. Age 3: As Our Personal Janitors
Because hey, life can get messy.
4. Age 4: As Our Protectors
Making sure the cold doesn’t get us.
5. Age 5: As Our Fairy God Mothers
Making sure all of our dreams come true.
6. Age 6: As Our Costume Designers
So we can get the best candy come trick-or-treating, obviously.
7. Age 7: As Our Gift Givers
Making sure Santa makes it happen.
8. Age 8: As Our Personal Stylists
Screw the spelling be, second grade’s all about fashion 101.
9. Age 9: As Our Creative Guides
Because playing with our food is okay, right mom?
10. Age 10: As Our Scientists
Someone’s gotta help us answer all the hard hitting questions with our science project.
11. Age 11: As Our Personal Chefs
Because every after school snack needs to be awesome.
12. Age 13: As Our Entertainment
Because who doesn’t want the most enthusiastic parent at the school dance.
13. Age 14: As Our Referees
To make sure all of our matches have a clear winner.