1. We abbreviate everything. We’re lazy as fuck, pure and simple. 2. We have an affinity for hairy things. We envy they their strong muscles and lack of pastiness, neither of which we possess. 3. It’s a status symbol. We’re trying to slowly evolve into alligator purses. 4. It’s fucking awesome, who the fuck doesn’t like cheese? 5. White people like to treasure find. Attics are the last places to find treasure, since we pretty much raided and looted every fucking continent on earth. (We’re assholes) 6. Do white people like sand dunes? If they do, it’s to make out, or have some kind of out door sex, because white people are damn freaky. 7. Why do you NOT like to kiss? I’m guess you slobber like a bulldog licking and ice cream cone. I wouldn’t like to kiss if I were you either. 8. Trees are calming. Not being around other white people (Because they’re assholes) 9. This one I have no idea. I don’t think any of them actually do, I’m fairly certain they’re all lying to impress their friends, and no one actually, in fact, likes pumpkin anything. 10. Pftt. Pussy. 11. Who the hell like’s Drake? No one likes Drake. 12. That’s reserved for white people that are pretending not to be carnivores and certain white people religions. Normal people hate Chick peas. Because ew. Just ew. 13. We imagine throwing people we dislike to sharks a lot more than is healthy. Because we’re assholes. We’re also terrified of them. That’s the other reason we like sand dunes, there’s no fucking sharks on the dunes, but they’re in the god damn water! 14. What the fuck kind of wanna be poser white people have you been exposed to? Smh 15. Ew, that must be sugar desperation. When ever other kind of candy you want to eat is gone, and you’re broke, you know there’s candy corn from like 1986 chilling somewhere. It’s like the back up back up plan. 16. Again, Pussy. 17. The wind on our stank feet. Der. Besides, if we get in an accident, we imagine we’ll go through the window feet first like some kind of ninja. 18. Because we know they haven’t been sneezed on at Walmart. Freshness, motherfucker. 19. Man, fuck storms. White people like to cuddle ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. Hell, we even invented a JOB of “Professional Cuddling” So we could get paid for that shit. We like it that much. 20. I have no idea. Hazelnuts rock, so.. throw some chocolate up in that shit, lie about it being healthy, and spread it on everything. Works for me. 21. You must not have a dog. If you try to kiss a dog at ALL, they can and will try to force their their tongue up in your face and/or into your mouth. Kiss thier head? Nope. You are getting frenched, fine sir. 22. White people support this shit called Charity. It’s where someone has something the matter with their shit, and we raise money to make it better. Each kind of charity has a color. So.. idk, try it sometime, be less of a greedy fucking bastard. 23. White people like to be scared as shit. That’s really why we like attics, old places, and shark week. Shit’s kinda scary. Quit being a pussy. 24. We liked Guacamole enough to abbreviate it. Fuck yeah, avocados. 25. We like to annoy each other with it. Again, we’re assholes. 26. We traditionally like songs with catchy beats that make us want to shake our bloated pasty asses. We’re not even listening to the lyrics. That’s how the hell that Gangam Style song got so damn popular too. 27. Crafting, bitches! Man, shit isn’t real until you can hot glue it to some other shit! With GLITTER. 28. We all wanted to bang uncle jesse. Plus, white people families are really fucking dysfunctional, so we all saw that shit and thought it was just us, and everyone else’s family was like that. We were trying to live the lie. 29. Shit, why do you NOT?! What, is YOUR pet not GOOD ENOUGH?! Heartless bastard! (Everyone thinks their damn pet is going to get famous and make them money. Duh.) 30. Because our kids are like the fucking flash. You turn around and they are GONE. So we’re actually saving the tax payers the cost of a 911 massive manhunt search. You’re welcome. 31. We’re all straight fucking country in our hearts. If shit doesn’t go into or be drunk from a jam jar it is not worth having. 32. We like to pleasantly baste our pasty white asses, slathered generously in lotion of some kind, until we’re evenly cooked on all side. Plus I already said we like fucking in sand dunes, pay attention, son! 33. White people can’t dance. We have vertical seizures and hope no one is watching. Those of us that want people to watch, genuinely think what they’re doing doesn’t look fucking ridiculous. We call those people idiots. (They come in not-white too) 34. Shit man, that’s southern drawl. White people don’t talk like that anyone south of the mason Dixon does. And they all sound like fucking retards. 35. White people love being lied to about things that can harm them so they have an excuse to buy into ridiculous diet plans in their ongoing quest to be a complete and utter asshole. Nothing makes you a bigger fucking asshole than declaring you’re god damn gluten free when you do not have Celiac Disease. 36. Someone put some cute fucking cats dancing to that shit on Youtube. Now that’s all we see when we hear it. White people a suckers for cats. 37. It’s fucking beer. 38. Didn’t I already say we fucking abbreviate because we’re lazy as shit? We didn’t want to specify, day, week, year, LIFE.. so we just fucking said have a good whatever the fuck you want to have. 39. Mostly because they’re high when they do it. Get it? 40. St. Peter, mother fucker. Back in the day when you did something really fucking stupid we would pray to Mr. P up in heaven to let you in anyway, even though you’re clearly stupid. And then we abbreviated it. A lot. Because that’s what white people freaking do.