1. Lie: The other kids are just jealous of you.
Protecting you from: the fact that kids are just plain mean.
2. Lie: If you talk on the phone too long, your ear will fall off.
Protecting you from: wasting your night away talking to friends you’re going to see again in the morning.
3. Lie: The girls are just as shy as you are, honest!
Protecting you from: not having grown into your looks yet.
4. Lie: Sparky went upstate to a nice family with a big farm.
Protecting you from: saying bye-bye to Sparky.
5. Lie: We love you as much as your brothers and sisters.
Protecting you from: the fact that they totally have favorites.
6. Lie: Your hand-me-downs fit you perfectly.
Protecting you from: Well… actually they’re protecting themselves from having to buy your hormonal body new clothes every three months.
7. Lie: Too much TV will rot your brain.
Protecting you from: failing school.
8. Lie: Coffee stunts your growth.
Protecting you from: staying up all night and crashing in the morning.
9. Lie: If you cross your eyes they’ll get stuck that way.
Protecting you from: embarrassing yourself in public and getting a wicked headache.
10. Lie: We won’t bail you out if you get in trouble.
Protecting you from: even thinking about doing anything so stupid!
11. Lie: This is normal, everyone goes through puberty.
Protecting you from: the fact that your awkward phase is lasting an extraordinarily long time.
You can totally catch The Goldbergs Tuesdays 9|8c on ABC!!
We promise we’re not lying!