1.
"If she hath more than three cats, thy conversations will be mostly about the lady's cats."
2.
"If his profile says he hath been 'figuring things out at the moment,' then he uses his parents' corridors as his residency."
3.
"If she doth twerk on the reg, thou can get away with Ruby Tuesday on thine first date."
4.
"A pox on those who only upload photos of thyself in lame shirts with other chicks."
5.
"If the lady plays Candy Crush, thou dinner conversations shall be without eye contact."
6.
"Avoid all waterfowl faces; they are a plague."
7.
"If you hath received a message from a lady, and it doth not say your name, the same message hath been sent to many others."
8.
"Danger lurks within a profile that mentions too much about one's ex."
9.
"If thou desires a relationship, avoid the dude without a shirt."
10.
"If thine profile photo is a canine, doth not be alarmed. They are probably human and it is more than likely a photo of thine pet."
11.
"If all else fails, I doth not have anything going on this weekend."
