Sure, you are illiterate when identifying your customers, but it’s a noble sacrifice for providing a regimented pep in our step with equal speed. We salute you.
2. The voice in your head that helps you stick the end of your workout.
You may not even know what this hero looks like, but they sure are there when you need them!
3. Free sample providers.
Letting you gorge on bite-sized samples with total understanding and lack of shade – if they’re one of the GOOD ONES.
4. Happy drunks.
For their powerful ability to stay aggression-free and keep it perpetually breezy in times where judgment simply doesn’t exist.
5. The technician that processes movies into 3D.
This person just took your viewing experience, literally, to the next dimension – and doesn’t even ask for a cut when a bajillion more dollars roll in as a result of their efforts. How humble!
6. Your manicurist.
Not only does he or she keep your fingers looking fierce, but they keeps ALL OF YOUR SECRETS locked up as tight as your loyalty to their salon table.
7. Yoga instructors.
Solely for making it acceptable to wear the next best thing to pajama pants in public, while simultaneously making dudes weak in the knees upon sight. Praise you for your efforts and their subsequent impact.
8. Subway conductors.
Giving our lives to these fine people while traveling at unreasonable speeds with no ability to communicate with the outside world. Thank you for your protection at such vulnerable times!
9. Wiki editors.
Ruthlessly defending whatever semblance of truth still exists on the World Wide Web, and selflessly wading in minutia while others graciously ask for compensation on their behalf.
10. The party playlist creator.
A person with advanced enough tastes to cater to casual partygoers and hardcore snobs, while letting it rip on autopilot so they can jet off to enjoy themselves. THAT’S talent.
11. Waiters that pay a legitimate amount of attention.
No, thank YOU for your service and dedication… to satisfying my particular hunger.
For ensuring there is always some semblance of harmless “chill” on the world feelings spectrum.