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If All Of Your Ex-Boyfriends Were Cats, These Are The Cats They Would Be

The one who would only eat wet food…

1. The one who thought he was so funny and very occasionally was, but was mostly just trying really, really hard.

2. The one who would pretend to listen to you talk and then later when you mentioned something you’d been telling him about it would always become clear that he was never, ever actually listening.

3. The one who was so soft and warm and great but never seemed truly happy, and then you found out later that he was still in love with his ex.

4. The one who wrote you songs, checking a lifelong goal off of your bucket list, but then the songs were weird and terrible instead of sweet and heartfelt, and you wished you could take the check back.

5. The one who grew up in a tumultuous household and only knew how to “love” via insane screaming arguments.

6. The one who was hilariously too young for you to even be looking at, much less touching, MUCH LESS getting emotionally involved with, and yet here you were and then he broke up with you via text message.

7. The one who was insanely jealous and sensitive and was always assuming that everything you did was meant to hurt and destroy him, until eventually it was.

8. The one who was so chill that he just kind of forgot to be your boyfriend.

9. The one who was super smart and fascinating and great, but who ultimately was just destined to be alone because he could never really let anyone into his heart.

10. The one who thought he was too cool for your friends.

11. The one who could never be convinced to do anything fun except stay home and watch Netflix.

12. MUCH WORSE, the one who never wanted to just stay home and watch Netflix.

13. The one who was so much like you, and so perfect for you, that the world just couldn’t allow such compatible and uncomplicated happiness to exist and so something dumb happened to drive you apart forever.

14. The one you thought for YEARS was the one who got away until one day you looked at him again, and remembered everything the way it actually happened, and realized how lucky you were that it didn’t work out.

15. The actual one that got away.

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