1. “Just one more, and then I’ll be prepared to grapple with the unending loneliness of my empty apartment.”
2. “The $536 worth of clothes I just put into a Forever 21 online shopping cart is definitely in my budget.”
3. “I’ll just be in here for another couple hours, don’t stay up for me!”
4. “I think I only really need 4-5 hours of sleep a night, to be hone-zzzzz.”
5. “It’s cool, the apartment I was able to afford in the city has plenty of room!”
7. “Oh, no one is around to make food for me? I have to figure out how to do it myself or starve to death? WHAT A FUN PROJECT.”
10. “What were you saying? I got distracted thinking about death! LOL.”
11. “I love revisiting my old writing and art! Just because I’ve changed completely since then doesn’t mean it’s not interesting.”
12. “Oh, I have to walk there? Great, let me just figure out how to get out of this extremely comfortable chair.”
13. “Oh sure, being a parent is fantastic. I get at least 15-25 minutes a day of ‘me time’ when the kids are sleeping.”
14. “I definitely don’t regret buying this cool motorcycle instead of a car. It’s great!”
15. “Oh, mom and dad are selling the house I grew up in? Good for them.”
17. “Oh cool, I just realized I’ve sent 10,000 tweets. I feel like that’s a great accomplishment, I’m really glad I spent so much time on it! “
18. “I may have gained a couple pounds in the last couple months, but I’m not thinking about it.”
19. “Oh, I don’t think I’m hungover again! Maybe I just ate something bad yesterday.”
20. “What do you mean I’ve been up here for 18 hours? I just needed a little break from the party.”
21. “I’m just going to stay in tonight — I’m not depressed, just need to catch up on a few episodes of Chopped I have recorded on the DVR!”
Here Are The Top Stories
- An order from the U.S. Supreme Court means Texas abortion clinics affected by a new state law can stay open while the law is challenged.
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