28 Stages Every Baby Gay Goes Through

I’m here, I’m queer, and I have no idea what I’m doing.

First of all, being a baby gay has nothing to do with age or specific orientation. It’s a state of being.

Baby Gay: An individual who is new, or newly out, to the LGBT community – regardless of age – and most likely completely inexperienced in the ways of absolutely everything.

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It’s that magical time after you’ve come out to yourself, and probably your loved ones as well – where you feel reborn and ready to conquer the new world that has opened its doors to you!

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Only problem? You’re completely clueless.

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1. In fact, you have no idea just how much you don’t know.

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2. You just got used to saying the word out loud, now you have to go BE it?

Or worse, no labels feel quite right and you’re struggling for a word to use at all.

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3. It feels as if a pop quiz is about to dropped on you at any moment, and of course you’re painfully unprepared.

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4. You find yourself googling things in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

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5. You soon realize that maybe an internet search is not always the best place to find answers.

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Nope, not helpful at all.

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6. You find yourself getting weepy at Pride events. WHY IS YOUR FACE WET?

It’s just a parade, right? Calm yourself! But… it’s so beautiful.

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7. The combination of anxiety and excitement is overwhelming.

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8. You’re not sure where exactly you fit in – do you have to choose?

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9. Your gaydar isn’t just out of whack, it’s nonexistent.

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10. It’s as if as soon as you’re ready to be out there, nobody can see you!

And if they can see you… then what?

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11. You go to great lengths to be more visible, even if that means you aren’t really being yourself.

It’s OK, you’ll find a balance soon.

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12. When you finally get to a gay bar, you feel as if everyone knows it’s your first time.

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13. You stress over saying the right thing.

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14. You’re excited and ready to explore. OK, maybe a little too excited…

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… and maybe you come on a little strong.

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15. You check the mail every day, but no manual on flirting has arrived yet. You fear it never will.

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16. The lack of social script is freaking you out.

On the bright side, this makes things way more interesting. Right? Right?!

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17. Are you supposed to buy a drink for someone else or just stand here until someone buys you one?

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18. Odds are, you get completely wasted and make a fool of yourself.

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19. You try out online dating, figuring that will be a low-stress way to meet new people.


“Only into masc, musc white guys. Pics required to chat.” Oh? Nah.

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20. When you finally get asked out by someone? It’s just another wave of fresh anxiety.

“But…YES, YES I will go out with you!”

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21. Even just the thought of finally doing something with someone… is a lot.

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22. Every teeny tiny milestone feels like you’ve conquered the world.


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23. Who knows what the bedroom rules are. WHO EVEN KNOWS!?

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24. Sometimes you feel like you’ll be the most awkward human being forever and ever.

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25. That’s when you remember you aren’t alone. A lot of people go through this same rollercoaster of emotions at one time or another.

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26. Once you realize this, your anxieties start to melt away.

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27. And eventually – probably without even really trying – you are doing all these things and it’s all happening.

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28. If you think about it, being new to the scene is actually a wonderful and exciting time.

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Get out there and LIVE it.

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Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Sarah Karlan is the Deputy LGBT Editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
Contact Sarah Karlan at sarah.karlan@buzzfeed.com.
Contact Heben Nigatu at heben@buzzfeed.com.
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