1. If that whole "coming out" thing was handled for you:
2. If this search actually worked on Netflix:
3. If there was a class that would make you an expert in the field:
4. Or if you really could go to college just to become a lesbian:
5. (And if, in general, there was a CANCEL button for sent text messages.)
6. If makeup actually stayed on your face, where it belongs, instead of on your partner's face:
7. If straight guys were eliminated from inboxes all over the world:
8. And if planning outfits wasn't so complicated:
9. If your checkout bin wasn't always trying to out you:
10. If dating didn't pretty much feel like this most of the time:
11. And if your friends had a little more empathy for your dating struggles:
12. If your standards for watching movies weren't so skewed:
13. If this didn't feel so true:
14. And if this logic actually got through to people:
15. If only that monthly visitor would wise up and chill out:
16. Yes, life would be easier if the odds were always in your favor:
17. Thankfully, at least one aspect of life is blissfully uncomplicated:
