13 Mistakes From Your First Time At A Lesbian Bar

It’s an exciting rite of passage, and it usually goes horribly wrong.

1. You listen to your friends’ advice.

2. You misread the website and show up on boys’ night.

3. You allow yourself to get emotionally attached to the first girl who looks in your direction.

4. You pull the “fake texting” move when your friends leave you alone for any amount of time.

Inner dialogue: “Fuck, here comes someone. La di da, don’t mind me. I’m just looking at my cell phone, checking all my text messages from all my hot lady suitors…”

5. You overdo the gayness.

You’re already in the door. People know.

6. You get stuck in a conversation with the girl going through a “really tough breakup right now.”

And then she starts crying.

7. You’re a femme, but you felt the need to butch it up to get hit on.

8. You turn the conversation in an awkwardly sexual direction.

9. Your flirting enters into creepy territory.

10. As a bisexual, you lose your cool if the lesbians won’t accept you.

11. You accidentally insult the drag queen behind the bar.

12. You don’t know how to send out those “single” vibes:

13. Instead of buying a girl a drink, you wait around for someone to buy you one.

The whole situation is completely overwhelming. You don’t know whether to drunk-cry or just go home.

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Sarah Karlan is the Deputy LGBT Editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
Contact Sarah Karlan at
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