Look Connie, I know you're humble but there's something that I really need to say.
It is literally everything anyone could ever want and more.
Like, I finally know what that Shakespeare dude was all about.
Your hair is the universe's way of saying, "Good job, humans."
Your hair is our greatest national treasure.
Such perfection can only be a result of divine intervention.*
Even in a ponytail, your hair continues to mesmerize your loyal subjects.
The question is, however, are we worthy of your perfection?
Can we at least say, "Thank you"?