1. It might look pretty, but can we talk about how volcanoes are big ol’ mountains that are also openings into the fiery crust of the Earth?
A big portal leading into the hellish sub-surface of the Earth. We just accept that that’s a thing?
2. And sometimes volcanoes get grumpy so they explode and spew molten death sludge into the friggin’ sky.
3. But volcanoes are just the delivery method. The important part is nature’s “eff you” to everything green and alive: lava.
4. Lava starts off as magma beneath the surface of the earth. Waiting.
8. But once it gets going, lava can flow up to 40 miles per hour. Which is damn fast for what’s basically a river of liquid fire.
Part fire, part earth, 100% annihilation. Source.
9. Lava’s temperature ranges from 700 to 1,200°C, which converts to roughly YOU ARE DEAD AND ON FIRE degrees Fahrenheit.
10. When it’s done flowing and obliterating everything in its path, lava just…stops.
11. And just turns into a land mass wherever it damn well pleases.
You can’t tell lava shit about where to solidify.
12. Or, you know. Destroys a city and kills thousands of people.
Sorry, Pompeii. Lava is a dick.
13. Lava also loves to bring its douchebag buddy volcanic ash to the party, who will be sure to try and fuck things up if magma didn’t get the job done.
Technically certain kinds of volcanic ash are called “tephra,” but let’s be real, that sounds more like a font name than murder-smoke.
14. And it’s not like volcanic eruptions are a one-and-done. Volcanoes can be active for centuries, even millennia.
But don’t worry. Only like, 500,000,000 people live near active volcanoes. No biggie.