In my 10 years of drinking alcohol, I've never quite understood how to choose a wine.
I've been to fancy restaurants. I've watched as the wine is poured. I've swished it around, smelled it, nodded my approval. But what makes a truly good wine?
Or, more specifically, what makes a good cheap wine?
Let's be real: I'm not buying $30 bottles of wine to take over to Mariska's theme party on Saturday. I'm buying cheap-ass wine. Still, I don't want to buy undrinkable wine that tastes like red vinegar and smells like a musty basement. So I decided to find it the only way I knew how: a good old-fashioned taste test.
How did I pick the wines? Mostly based on terroir, which is a fancy French word for land. I shopped only within the terroir around my office, where I'd most likely shop for wine to bring to a hypothetical friend's party. From the Walgreens across the street I picked up Chateau Diana and Vineyard Creek, and then went two blocks over to Trader Joe's for the rest. My criteria for the wines were as follows:
1. Is it under $9?
2. Is it red?
3. Have you purchased fewer than nine wines?
If the answer to all three was yes, I bought it. I bought it good.
Here are the nine cheap wines under $9, presented in the order in which I drank them:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Morning-After Review:
The Day After:
I woke up remarkably refreshed, given my alcoholic intake the night before. I've been called a lightweight, so I was very pleased at my ability to recall the previous night. That was, until I ran into my sister.
Sister: "What was up with those texts last night?"
Me: "What texts?"
Sister: