Which Exotic Pet Is Right For You?

Meet your new brightly colored besties.

1. Parrots

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Pro: Their vocal impersonations are impressive.

Con: A pet parrot will learn your voice then get on the phone with your bank and steal your money and identity. It's happened before.

2. Flat-Headed Rock Agamas

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Pro: Looks like Spider-Man.

Con: If it can look like Spider-Man, what's stopping it from looking like you then taking over your life–raising your kids, sleeping with your spouse, and making end-of-life decisions for your parents?

3. Chameleons

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Pro: Blends in with its surroundings.

Con: How do you know that your loved ones aren't chameleons already? When was the last time you talked to a real human? There's no way to know.

4. Hedgehog

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Pro: Spiky and surprisingly intelligent.

Con: Spiky? Surprisingly intelligent? Remind you of anyone? How about Kyle from HR? He's a hedgehog!

5. Tiger Cubs

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Pro:

Tiger 1: "The humans will never accept us as equals."

Tiger 2: "We must wear human skin and destroy their society from within."

Con: If you were a tiger-person would you even know it?

6. Sugar Glider

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Pro: Cuteness overload!

Con: They'll eat your brain then pilot your body around.

7. Ferrets

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Pro: They're quick, crafty, and impossible to catch.

Con: America's kindergarteners are currently 90% ferrets pretending to be human children. Same goes for the U.S. government.

8. Sloths

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Pro: None. Unless you consider the looming extinction of all humans to be a "pro."

Con: We cannot stop them. The Animal Revolution is complete.