Trail mix is a tasty snack that's packed with energy. And it's super simple to make yourself.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED:
• Raisins
• A Selection of Nuts
• Chocolate Candies
• A Bag Of Store-Bought Trail Mix
• Wait, never mind the store-bought mix. That defeats the purpose of making your own.
PREPARATION:
1. Take your bag of store-bought trail mix and meticulously separate the nuts, raisins, and candies into separate bowls. You can still use them as ingredients.
2. Continue to separate the nuts, raisins, and candies.
3. Wow, separating the raisins from the nuts and then separating the candy from those is taking forever.
4. Return the bag of trail mix to the store.
5. After the store clerk tells you that you can't return opened food, patiently explain that you bought the bag by mistake and are attempting to make homemade trail mix.
6. Offer to take store credit instead of a refund.
7. Leave the store in a huff, still holding your unreturned bag of trail mix.
8. Empty the trail mix into the garbage in anger. Don't throw away the bag the trail mix came in. You can use it to hold your homemade version.
9. By this point, you're probably pretty hungry. Eat some of the candies.
10. They sure do taste good. Eat some more of the candies.
11. Well, now you've run out of candy for your trail mix. You know what they call trail mix with just nuts and raisins? Crap. They call it crap.
12. Head back to the store to buy more chocolate candy.
13. Avoid that store clerk you argued with before.
14. Pick up some other essentials while you're at the store. Toilet paper, a loaf of bread, a bag of trail mix.
15. Head back home. It's time get serious about making your homemade trail mix.
16. Wait–did you buy another bag of store bought trail mix??? GOD DAMN IT.
17. Throw out all the ingredients and your new bag of trail mix.
19. Sit quietly in the dark and think about what you've done.
19. Continue sitting quietly.
20. Sigh heavily. Start again tomorrow.