1. Using empty beer bottles as decoration.
If you drank it, it can’t be a tchotchke.
2. Getting way too excited over video games.
You know they’re fake, right?
3. Wearing cargo shorts.
Cargo shorts = fail. Camouflage = double fail. Falling = triple fail.
4. Thinking Fight Club is the best movie ever made.
Doesn’t anyone even remember the first rule of Fight Club?
5. The trucker hat had its moment.
And that moment is over.
7. Dreaming of one day owning a giant leather sofa.
Isn’t that leather sofa fart sound a deal-breaker?
8. Tribal tattoos.
‘Cause really, what is your tribe?
9. Using the phrase “true dat.”
Go ahead and stop saying “YOLO” while you’re at it.
10. Covering your body in cheap-ass cologne.
If you wore it in middle school, it’s over. Put the spray can down.
11. Wearing jerseys to non-sports events.
It’s not an acceptable shirt. Period.