13 Unfortunate Truths About Thanksgiving

Bring on the inevitable turkey blues.

1. If you have a layover at O’Hare, you will get stuck.

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2. You will not wake up in time for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

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3. No one will like your sister’s new “boyfriend.”

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4. The dog will eat whatever dish you were most excited about.

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5. You will have to explain to your aunt Patty why you’re still not married. Again.

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6. Your fun uncle’s deep-fried turkey won’t turn out as planned.

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7. You will end up doing the dishes.

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8. Leftovers will be stored in obnoxiously large or obnoxiously small Tupperware containers.

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9. Jerry Jones will make you feel poor.

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10. Your grandparents will not understand your internet job.

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11. “Tryptophan” will come up in small talk.

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12. You will run into old high school classmates. It will be just as awkward as high school.

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13. Taking the whole week off sounded like a good idea. You will get bored.

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You will wonder why you’re eating turkey (and why your cousin Avery is eating Tofurkey).

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