Vintage Fashion Trends That Should NEVER Come Back
Dressing poorly when you’re young and naive is OKAY, but plenty of these fashions were popular when you could make decisions for yourself. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen again—enter Ford’s Random Acts of Fusion and get a chance at a trip to Fashion’s Night Out in NYC and stay ahead of the curve.
1. Powdered wigs (1700s)
Powdered wigs were most in vogue back in the eighteenth-century, but you might be surprised to know that they’re not *totally* out of fashion yet—in high courts in Great Britain, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and some other Commonwealth realms, judges still wear ‘em. Can we all agree it’s time for that to end?
2. Corsets (1800s)
Corsets were most popular during the nineteenth-century, and in their heyday (1820s-1830s), they were even prominent among aristocratic men. While maybe the slimming figure was great and all, it sort of made people look like aliens underneath.
3. Bib overalls (1970s)
Isn’t the whole point of living in a city so that you can stay on top of the hottest fashion trends? So why would you live in one and then dress like a farmer?
Jack Donaghy probably said it best:
4. Leisure suits (1970s)
… Because literally not a single person can pull this off.
5. Fanny packs (1980s)
Fanny packs went on for far too long. These walking faux pas inexplicably made it into the end of the nineties—even if the people who were sporting them by then probably had a lot of other problems. Now, tote bags have a slew of their own issues, but it should be pretty clear which is worse. Especially when you have models like the one above to contend with.
6. Parachute / “Hammer” pants (1980s)
Many people believe that we’re in the midst of an ’80s style revival, but thankfully these haven’t returned. Because when they do, that’s when it’s time to leave. Just, leave. There’s nothing good about this.
7. Mullets (1980s)
“Business in the front, party in the back”? Anyone in their right mind should not attend whatever this party is.
8. Rattails (1980s)
Seen here, the rattail on someone who looks like Mitt Romney with earrings and a rattail.
Are y’all noticing a pattern with the time periods? Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but few decades have presented themselves more poorly than the eighties and nineties. The scariest thing is that this hairstyle spread like rats bringin’ the black plague, and it could strike again at any moment.
9. Neon leg warmers (1990s)
Nicki Minaj, sporting an outfit that conjures “horseman of the apocalypse.”
Most of the time leg warmers are worn, they’re unnecessary. Add that to the fact that they’re neon, and it’s all a big bowl of horrifying. See above for an example of what exactly needs to NOT happen.
10. Sagging (1990s)
While skinny jeans might be more revealing of other parts, it’s pretty difficult to argue that they look WORSE than sagging pants. After all, the chances of seeing more than you ever wanted to see are much higher with sagging pants. And Tweety Bird boxers are just the beginning.
Unlike these people, you have the chance to learn from their mistakes. Make the best of it and enter for a chance to win a trip to Fashion’s Night Out in NYC with Ford’s Random Acts of Fusion!
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glenchilada 8 months agoComing soon to this list: Skinny jeans, Fedoras, thick framed glasses, and beards.
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dangerouslytalented 8 months agoI want to get a leisure suit with sagging bib and brace gold lame parachute pants and a powdered mullet wig now. With a corset underneath.
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alesandran 8 months agoif i could give a swift open face closed fist punch to anyone in the fucking world it would be Nicki Minaj. not even Kim Kardashian. I pick Nicki Minaj.
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robmoose90 9 months agoHey I love sagging my jeans! There is an acceptable amount of sag then there is ass out sagging.
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kristydaily 9 months agoYou know what’s worse than sagging jeans? Sagging skinny jeans! I see guys doing this all the time. It’s the worst.
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opheliac 9 months agoSigh. So much misinformation about corsets! Firstly, the “hey day” of corsets was not the 1820s-30s, although I suppose it does depend on what you mean by “hey day”. Since corsets were required wear for any woman desiring to maintain a respectable reputation for almost all of the 19th century, I’ll assume you mean when they were at their most restrictive, which would have been the 1870s-1880s, when a rigid, full-length corset was required for fashionable wear. For one, metal grommets or oeillets weren’t used on corsets until the very end of the 1820s, so the amount of compression that could be exerted on the waist was limited by the very real chance of your hand-worked lacing-holes being torn in short order. Boning (the use of baleen or metal strips to give rigidity to a corset) wasn’t even necessarily used at that point, as cording was still reasonably popular, depending on for what and by whom the corset would be worn—eg, a firmer, tighter corset would be worn with your formal and more stylish clothes, but softer stays might be worn with deshabille or pregnancies. And of course, that’s only if you were a wealthy woman of leisure—even working class women had to wear corsets, you know, and they certainly couldn’t afford a rib-crusher that wouldn’t allow them to breathe or stoop. Which brings us to the more important point—most women didn’t tight-lace. The average amount of waist reduction a typical woman got from her corset was 2-4 inches, which is not much more than tight jeans or a tight belt. The clothing worn over it was more likely to be problematic than the corset. If you think about it, wearing a corset of that range to achieve a stylish silhouette probably makes for a happier, more comfortable woman than one who is cranky from dieting and sore from her two hours at the gym this morning. The “medical” plate above, and many others like it, were frequently used by people of dubious medical training as scare tactics for a hysterical public, the same sort of thing that goes on now (do you know any teenager that has actually tried getting drunk on hand sanitizer?), or occasionally fetishists who would recount tales of tight-lacing, especially as a form of punishment, to ladies’ periodicals or medical journals to get their rocks off (we have the internet for that, now).
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