10 Tricks Bosses Steal From 3rd Grade Teachers

Our third-grade teachers never really leave us, they are just reincarnated as our bosses 20 years later. When your kid gets tricked with one of these, brighten their day by making their favorite meal using Ragú®.

1. Positive Reinforcement

Matthew Freeman / CC BY-SA http://2.0 / Flickr: mrf

Third-grade teachers masterfully trick crazed children into learning with gold stars, stickers and other intangible rewards. Bosses replace gold stars with one-on-one lunches and shout-outs at office meetings. Positive reinforcement: it never stops working.

2. Getting-to-Know-You Games and Trust Falls

klndonnelly / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: genvessel

Whether you find yourself in a third-grade classroom on the first day of school or on a company retreat led by a guy named Bob wearing a captain's hat, get ready for lots of getting-to-know-you games and trust falls. Probably too many.

3. Lunch Breaks

Corbis / CC BY-SA http://2.0 / Flickr: 11036237@N00

If you don't want a group of people to riot, you need to provide an adequate lunch break. It doesn't matter if you're talking about eight year-olds or 38 year-olds. Folks will go nuts if you deprive them of their sloppy joes.

4. Holiday Cheer

Phil Sexton / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: john_hall_associates

As soon as December 1st hits, third-graders drift off to fantasies of all the sweet snow they'll get to play with during the holiday break. In offices, the anticipation of a 4-day holiday weekend is even more powerful. Scrooge bosses fight against the holiday cheer. Smart ones embrace it—people are simply happier when wearing a Santa hat.

5. Sugar Bribes

Caitlin Regan / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: caitlinator

We're pretty much a slave to sugar from day one. SUGARRRRR! Let's crush up some candy canes at the holiday party tonight and rage.

6. Special Helpers

Seattle Municipal Archives / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: seattlemunicipalarchives

Whether you're running a classroom, a paper company, or a rogue crime-fighting unit, everyone needs a special helper to help grab coffee and make copies. Give your special helper a special helper costume, and he'll be yours forever.

7. Wearing glasses

Ted Johnson / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: tedsblog

The powerful authority of a third-grade teacher's glasses lasts with a student a long time, until one day he or she enters a position of authority and immediately runs to Warby Parker, before brainstorming tiny ways to ruin your life.

8. Communicates warmth through festive ties

Michael Dorausch / CC BY-SA http://2.0 / Flickr: chiropractic

You can't be an asshole if there's a festive pattern on your tie. FACT.

9. Nap Time

Lisa Schaffer / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: skylerbug

In some awesome schools, you still get nap time in the third-grade. You also get nap time if you work at a the magical Silicon Valley tech company like Groupon, where nap rooms are standard and rivers of guacamole flow through conference rooms.

10. Play Time

David Goehring / CC BY http://2.0 / Flickr: carbonnyc

Third-grade has recess. At companies like Google, employees get 20% play time. Imagine if school had been 20% recess? Our national kickball team would be so much better today.