On her latest show, Ellen DeGeneres wanted to address a column that accused Hollywood of having a "gay agenda" and criticizes DeGeneres specifically.
The column was written by author and self-described "cultural commentator" Larry Tomczak in The Christian Post, and is titled "Are You Aware of the Avalanche of Gay Programming Assaulting Your Home?"
"I don't usually read anything about myself," the talk show host started. "Unless it's about me being pregnant and then how else would I know? Got to find out. But I heard there was an article written about me and I would like to address it right now."
Tomczak wrote that DeGeneres "celebrates her lesbianism and 'marriage' in between appearances of guests like Taylor Swift to attract young girls."
"OK, let's just break this down," she said. "First of all, I'm not 'married,'" she corrected, using air quotes. "I'm married. That's all."
"And, Larry, I don't even know what it means to celebrate my lesbianism. I mean... Well, I guess I do," DeGeneres said, gleefully setting off a popper. "Like that! Yay! I'm gay!"
She said Tomczak also criticized TV shows like Glee and Modern Family for "promoting gay agendas." "If you ask me, Larry is watching a lot of gay TV," she joked.
The 56-year-old continues that the author encourages parents to have kids watch so-called wholesome shows like Little House on the Prairie and I Love Lucy.
"I did some research, and if you don't think Lucy and Ethel had something going on, explain this," she said, as a picture of stars Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance came on the screen.
"If that's not gay... That's all us gays do," DeGeneres joked. "We get a garbage can lid..."
"The only way I'm trying to influence people is to be more kind and compassionate with one another," DeGeneres said. "That is the message I'm sending out. I don't have an agenda."
She added, "I'm not here to brainwash anyone," as she was handed a spinning vortex.
"Attention, youth of the world," she said. "I want you to live your lives being exactly who you are. Be true to yourself — the most important thing is to be true to yourself."
"The second most important thing is that you wear Ellen underwear and only Ellen underwear," she added.
And that's why Ellen's the queen.
