@”Tyler Durden” — Hey, Tyler, you’re a homoerotic fictional character written by a gay writer. Go fuck yourself.

Why did we need to go to Vulture to see an embedded YouTube video?

YES. This wipes away the bad taste of that last list. The sad thing about that other list is that far from being “old school,” it was basically chronicling exactly how Disney went from quality adventure animation to the live-action tween-celebutard fantasies of Hannah Montana and The Suite Life today.

I can’t see the rest of her body, but her face sure looks like an R. Crumb drawing.

$5 ticket price to see a new movie?! Outrageous.

Who cares. Piss off, Joaquin. You burned your fanbase’s goodwill through douchebaggery.

This made my day, week, and month. Even though a little part of me died when I heard him speak the other year and he was sort of a bitchy old man who claimed to have invented the shopping mall, I will worship him forever for my childhood. If anyone deserves to get fucked into the afterlife by the girl in this video, surely it is Mr. Ray Bradbury. He’d be down for some Munchin Chronicles.

Finally.

Elton John, you’re pathetic for this.

Reason #1 not to like it: “I JUST need to take a year off for ME. To get in touch with MYSELF. My life is SO hard.”

Oddly, not as charming when you’re a grown man flashing your crotch at underage girls at a sporting event.

Genius.

Prayers for Bobby was actually pretty good. Got me choked up. Also apparently was nominated for 2 Emmys, a Golden Globe and a SAG Award.  Have you seen any of these or this just basically “The Worst Made-For-TV Poster Art You’ve Ever Seen?”

Someone please edit this so tigers suddenly maul the hell out of everyone sitting on the bench.

What a waste of space and time.

Who the fuck cares? I used to avoid Starbucks out of principle, but I got tired of trying because the emperor’s new clothes truth about it is this: Every time I make a point to go to the “authentic” local place, it’s more expensive, the people are ruder or dismissive, and the coffee’s either weak or I have to listen to a fuckin coffee-snob backstory on what indigenous culture it came from. I just want a big strong cup of coffee to go. I couldn’t care less about this liberal-arts undergrad whining.

Ellen Paige can play him in the biopic.

I’m pretty sure there was a time when the Guiness World Book of Records was for ACTUAL accomplishments, right?

This guy is a rock star. I hope he wins.