People Who Have Never Been To The Midwest Try To Describe The Midwest

This land is your land, this land is my land. Fuel up at Phillips 66®, and travel all over the great Midwest this summer!

1. What state is this?

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Priya: If I tilt my head to the right, I see a ghost.

Tara: This is a sunspot on my thigh.

Casey: This is the face of the elf named MIMAL, which is a mnemonic device for remembering the states that border the Mississippi River. Which means it’s the state of...Iowa?

2. Do you know what a "hotdish" is?

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Casey: That’s a Midwestern term for a pretty lady.

Jo: Your cute neighbor.

Jason: A dish that is hot?

3. What do you keep in a silo?

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Ben: Wait, you keep stuff in there? I thought those were like…Washington Monuments for farms. You know, like…to let you know it’s a farm.

Jana: Hens?

Casey: Corn and grain and extra overalls.

4. Tell me a fact about The Gateway Arch:

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Casey: If you drop a nickel from the top of it, it'll split into a thousand pieces.

Priya: It is situated next to a lake and I’m lovin' it.

Chris: Evel Knievel was the only man to ever motorcycle over it.

5. What is a TYME machine?

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Jo: Find out in the year 2064, but by then IT WILL BE TOO LATE.

Chris: Probably the best way to roast a chicken.

Jason: It grinds thyme into dust.

6. Can you tell us what the third largest city in the country is?

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Jo: Duh, everybody knows it’s Midwest City. (Shhhh, just believe.)

Ben: If by large you mean tall, I’m going with Des Moines.

Chris: I can: It’s Chicago, the Windmill City.

7. What's broomball?

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Priya: Some kind of sport that was definitely inspired by Harry Potter.

Chris: That’s just how Midwesterners pronounce Roomba.

Jo: Two brooms, one ball, a lifetime of memories.

8. What kind of food do you think Kansas City, Missouri, is best known for?

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Chris: If memory serves, "Missouri" is short for "Montessori schools," which is why the state is world renowned for inventing the PB&J.

Casey: Oh man. Ya can’t get enough of that Kansas City gravy.

Ben: I heard it was BBQ, but I’ll bet they make a mean root beer float.

9. What was Lincoln, Nebraska, named after?

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Tara: Ulysses S. Grant.

Ben: I’m going to say LinkedIn.

Priya: I see the trap and I’m just going to walk straight into it cause it's the right answer: Abraham Lincoln.

10. What’s the proper attire for a 40-degree day?

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Jo: You do you, boo. Wear whatcha want. "Midwest" is actually Latin for “freedom of expression” (but also for “flannel”).

Chris: I don't know. I'm not the outfit police.

Jason: Two shirt-like layers and a medium jacket.

11. Besides the assembly line, what else was invented in the Midwest?

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Chris: Pick-up lines?

Ben: Hospitality.

Jo: The chorus line. (“One! Midwestern sensation! / Every little step she takes! / Bom, bom, bom.")

12. What does HOMES stand for?

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Priya: Pass.

Leslie: When after some SERIOUS decorating, houses finally start looking like habitable places.

Casey: I KNOW THIS! The Great Lakes: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Superior.

13. Please describe the glorious taste of puppy chow:

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Casey: Chex Mix with chocolate and peanut butter and powdered sugar and OMG.

Ben: I tried eating a dog biscuit once and it was really gross. I feel like I’d enjoy wet food more.

Jo: I think this is also called People Chow or Muddy Buddies and I KNOW that it’s delicious.

14. When is the appropriate time to wear blaze orange?

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Ben: When you’re biking at night.

Chris: Well, you only have two options: When you’re huntin’ or when your dance moves are settin’ the club on fire, y’allllll.

Priya: Always. Blaze orange is the new black.