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What It’s Like To Grow Up A Dallas Cowboys Fan In New Jersey

Welcome to my football fandom life.

1. Rejoice, the NFL is back.

2. Right now, EVERY team has a chance to win the Super Bowl — even my beloved Dallas Cowboys.

Matthew Emmons / USA TODAY Sports

3. I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, what? You’re a Dallas Cowboys fan? Didn’t you grow up in New Jersey?”

MTV / Via gifrific.com

4. “Bro, how are you not a Giants fan?”

5. “You don’t like Eli?”

7. “Where’s your fucking loyalty to your people?”

Warner Bros / Via rebloggy.com

8. “How could you betray us like this?”

9. “What connection do you even have to Dallas?”

10. I know, I’m sorry. Let me TRY to explain.

11. You see, my older brother was a huge Cowboys fan and as a kid I looked up to him and wanted to be like him.

Columbia Pictures / Via rantlifestyle.com

12. We would look through the Sears catalog and pick different Cowboys jackets and jerseys to get for Christmas.

 

13. And when I was growing up — in the pre-streaming and Sunday Ticket era — you could catch the Cowboys five or six times a year in New York on one of these ancient devices…

14. We had our hearts broken watching games together in our shared bedroom.

15. And watched Tony Dorsett’s legendary touchdown run against the Vikings live on Monday Night Football in 1983.

16. And I never had to look far to read about my favorite team in the national media.

 

17. Hell, back when print was flush, the Cowboys even had their own team newspaper.

18. The mother of my very first girlfriend was a subscriber and when I’d go over her house I’d read every page.

19. But tell this to a Giants fan and their response is…

Columbia Pictures / Via pikdit.com

20. No matter how deeply rooted your fandom, Cowboys fans from New Jersey are just frontrunners.

21. Never mind that I’ve stuck with the team through these quarterbacks over the years:

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Damian Strohmeyer / Getty

Jonathan Daniel / Getty

 

From left to right (Gary Hogeboom, Steve Pelluer, and Chad Hutchinson.)

22. Cowboys fans who suffered through this dark period deserve their own ring of honor.

Dallas Cowboys starting quarterbacks from 2001-2004.

23. Do you know how it feels for a Cowboys fan to admit that the best thing to happen to us in 20 years has been Bill Parcells?

Dallas Cowboys coaches since Jimmy Johnson.

24. Watching a Cowboys-Giants game in a New Jersey bar means having the overwhelming feeling everyone in the bar wants to do THIS to me…

25. Going to a game — and daring to wear a Cowboys jersey — runs the risk of a December beer shower.

26. You get to hear all the infantile jokes that play off the Cowboys name.

27. Or taunts that rhyme Tony Romo’s name with a gay slur.

28. At least twenty years ago, there was a surefire comeback that would quickly shut up Giants fans.

Paul Buck / AFP / Getty Images

29. It was a glorious time, where I’d proudly walk around the Garden State Plaza in my Cowboys gear…

30. But that was a long, long, long, long time ago.

31. To put it mildly — the last decade has been less than enjoyable.

32. Just about every time I open my eyes…

33. Things like this keep happening.

34. Over the last 17 years, Dallas has been the epitome of average.

35. While the Giants keep winning Super Bowls.

36. Even before we’ve played our first game it looks like this season is shaping up to suck.

37. Don’t believe me? Check out this timeline of what happened to the Cowboys this offseason and try not to cringe.

(h/t @curtisbeast)

38. Not unlike the team itself, I can’t defend much of what is thrown at me.

39. So I’m left with two choices: renounce my fandom or move.

40. So in true Jersey fashion — I did neither — instead I bought a house in New Jersey cause, honestly, I love the state as much as I love the Cowboys.

41. So get over it…

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