1. If you really wanted a headache and desperately wanted to mess up your eyesight.
2. The dreaded CD-i from Phillips, that came with a useless controller and such God-awful games that were practically unplayable.
3. This ungodly piece of gaming hardware made you look like an idiot.
And no, you didn’t always have to scream “FIRE!” You just had to make a loud noise.
4. Nintendo came up with R.O.B.– an invention designed for children who suffered from loneliness. Only one problem: It never worked.
Even machines won’t play with me.
5. The Power Glove. It’s not just bad. It’s awful.
Fashion over functionality.
6. So, you control your character by standing on this plastic… thing, but you still had to hold onto your controller… WHAT?!
7. This piece of plastic that pretty much restricted any gaming ability you had.
After ten seconds, players would pop out the controller and play like, you know, regular people.
8. Before the Wii, X-Box Kinect, and PlayStation Move came along, there was the Sega Activator. And it was shit.
9. So, apparently, you waved your hand over the U-Force and stuff happened… sometimes.
10. There is absolutely no reason a gaming controller should have a keypad, but that didn’t stop the Atari Jaguar from trying.
11. The Sega Add-ons were bulky, each one required its own power source, and they didn’t deliver anything they promised. Here’s a regular 16-bit Sega Genesis:
OK. This is cool.
And yes, there was even a Sega CD Karaoke Add-on:
OK, this is getting ridiculous.
12. You never actually got to talk to Pikachu because the microphone was stupid and didn’t recognized lower-pitch voices… like mine.
13. This gaming bazooka required six AA batteries and it often caused some minor shoulder pain. But who cares? We’re only kids.
14. This piece of hardware claimed to be “Virtual Reality Game Wear.” LIES. It was essentially a subwoofer attached to your back.
15. ALL TIGER ELECTRONIC GAMES were the bane of your childhood.
The truly cheap alternative when your parents couldn’t afford to buy you a Game Boy.
16. And if that wasn’t enough, they had Tiger wrist games.
Still the bane of your childhood, only on your wrist.
17. And if that wasn’t enough, there was the R-Zone which put that sweet Tiger action right in your FUCKING EYE.
18. The 64DD was actually a CD adaptor and an Internet modem for the N64. But even Nintendo knew this would not succeed. So they said “fuck it” and moved on with their lives.
After begging our parents to buy your shitty gaming accessories, WE EXPECTED BETTER!
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