15 Of The Best Ways To Actually Dress Your Body Type

A comprehensive guide to looking your tastiest.

Pear

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Don't bother hiding your monstrous bottom half with a giant bag — what are you, pregnant Kerry Washington filming Season 3 of Scandal? Instead, try a prosciutto wrap accessorized with some beautifully marbled blue cheese touches.

Apple

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No, an optical illusion is not the answer; your best course of action is to simply keep it juicy.

Pizza

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Plain or sourdough, sausage or pepperoni, Sicilian or grandma... your scrumptiousness defies just one style. I'll — I mean, you should — try them all.

Calzone

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As delectable as pizza, but a little more mysterious. You're like one of those trench-coat-and-lingerie-wearing movie tropes, where the good stuff is just beneath the surface.

Durian Fruit

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Your tough exterior makes you a natural "bad girl." Play up those spikes with some leather and combat boots, Mad Max style.

Onion

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Unless you're comfortable baring all, layers will be key for you. Try an Oxford shirt and cardigan over your tank top, or long johns under your jeans. Also, several pairs of underpants.

Ramen Burger

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You've got multiple great qualities. Now please, stop trying so hard.

Bialy

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Are you an unfinished onion bagel? A slightly depressed onion roll? A savory Danish? Sometimes it's less about knowing what to wear, and more about figuring out who you are.

Cilantro

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Doesn't matter what you wear — some people will love you, and some people will hate you.* And some people will think you taste like soap.

Thanksgiving Turkey

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Your inside is what's important, though your outside is great too. Either way, like ballet flats or a little black dress, you're classic.

Poached Egg

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The only way for you to safely get dressed is to bathe in something fragrant, then twirl your way into an ensemble. Otherwise, you certainly won't be what the magazines call "put together."

Bacon

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Wear an invisibility cloak. As the most magnificent food on the planet, you are in grave danger at all times.

(Chocolate-Covered) Strawberry

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Break out of your shell; you're perfect just the way you are.*

Croissant

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For the people who pronounce your name with a "W" and without a "T," a striped top and beret. For the people who pronounce you like they're actually from Connecticut, ham and cheese is fine.

Quinoa

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Name necklace. One of those gold cursive name necklaces, so that I stop confusing you for cous cous all the time.

*These are the most common facts about bodies. You just keep doing your thing.