Ranking The Beards, Scruff, And Mustaches On "Looking"

According to HBO's new series about three gay men in San Francisco, the City by the Bay is a land where facial hair is plentiful. Here are the beard-y moments from the first three episodes, ranked from worst to best.

Note: Episode 3 of Looking airs Saturday, Feb. 1, at 10:30 p.m. on HBO, but it is currently available on HBO Go. SPOILER ALERT if you have not seen it yet!

19. This bartender:

HBO / Via youtube.com

WHO: Dom's co-worker, who tells him not to sleep with the new busboy.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A full beard, y'all.

BONUS POINTS: This guy is losing a lot of hair in the front. Smart move to make up for it with some strong sideburns. Good job, good effort.

18. This stripper:

HBO / Via youtube.com

WHO: This really hot guy who dances at Patrick's ex-boyfriend's bachelor party.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: His mustache-to-beard extension game is very strong.

MINUS POINTS: For probably waxing his junk.

17. The oncologist Patrick met on OKCupid:

HBO

WHO: Probably one of the most annoying characters on the show so far. He makes Patrick feel really awkward on their horrible first date.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A healthy dusting of scruff.

MINUS POINTS: For being such a horrible date.

16. Gabe:

HBO

WHO: The fiancé of Patrick's ex-boyfriend Jason. Patrick describes him as "portly" and he's not totally wrong.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A whole damn fluffy situation.

BONUS POINTS: Gabe has two things that Patrick doesn't: facial hair and a (soon-to-be) husband.

15. The hairy guy in the woods:

HBO

WHO: The guy Patrick meets while cruising in the park.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: Well, Patrick fairly described his level of hairiness later as "gym teacher hairy."

BONUS POINTS: Those shiny silver specks peppered in for good measure.

14. Agustín:

HBO

HBO

WHO: Patrick's best friend and a floundering artist who's just moved in with his boyfriend.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: There's a full-face situation happening here.

MINUS POINTS: Unfortunately, that overly furry soul patch he's got makes him lose a few points. Boy needs to get to a barber and get the beast under control.

13. This blond dude:

HBO

WHO: Just a rando at Jason's bachelor party.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: Some Spencer Pratt-esque blond fur.

BONUS POINTS: For having such a good time at a shared bachelor party.

12. This guy on the Muni:

HBO

WHO: Some guy, who also happens to be BuzzFeed's Books Editor.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A very nice beard.

MINUS POINTS: It's nighttime and you had sunglasses on top of your head. What the hell are you doing?

11. This cool deck hand/bouncer:

HBO

WHO: This saluting stud greets Patrick and Owen when they arrive at their company's boat party.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: Scruff, trimmed with military precision.

BONUS POINTS: The cool shades.

10. This random daddy partygoer:

HBO

WHO: He only appears for a split second in the third episode, but it's the best second.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: Perfect salt-and-pepper stubble.

BONUS POINTS: Who are you and why aren't you part of the main cast?

9. Patrick's unnamed cub co-worker:

HBO

WHO: A guy at Patrick's table at the boat party.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A nicely trimmed beard that your dad would be proud of.

BONUS POINTS: For laughing along and being a good, cute extra.

8. Scotty:

HBO

HBO

WHO: He's the lucky guy who gets to have a threesome with Agustín and Frank.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A furry blanket of happiness.

MINUS POINTS: OK, he's probably the hottest guy on the show, but he already has enough good things. Let's share the wealth.

7. Frank:

Via HBO

WHO: Agustín's boyfriend, who's an old person at heart and just wants to stay in all the time.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: Short stubble, like your neighbor's perfectly trimmed lawn on a hot summer's day.

BONUS POINTS: That insanely adorable smile!

6. This video game character:

HBO

WHO: A character Patrick designs in his company's newest game.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: The facial hair of a man who's been out to sea for too long.

MINUS POINTS: For not being real.

5. This sailor waiter:

HBO

WHO: A smiley gentleman working at Patrick's company party.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A satisfying amount of stubble.

MINUS POINTS: For not dropping his tray of drinks and sweeping Patrick off of his feet so that he can be part of the story and join the main cast.

4. This really cute sex worker:

HBO

HBO

WHO: A sex worker Agustín meets in a café in the show's third episode. He has an expensive hourly rate.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: Zeus-like perfection.

BONUS POINTS: THOSE CRYSTAL-CLEAR BABY BLUES.

3. Kevin:

HBO

WHO: Patrick's new coworker.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: A five o'clock shadow worth lusting over.

BONUS POINTS: His British accent, obviously.

I mean, are you kidding me with this cuteness?

HBO

2. Richie:

HBO

WHO: Patrick's latest love interest, whom he meets on the Muni.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

BONUS POINTS: For being really forward with Patrick, while also being insanely kind and perfect.

It's so patchy, while still being totally put together. I have no idea how he does it. He is a god amongst men.

HBO

1. Dom

HBO

HBO

WHO: Patrick and Agustín's friend and a cruising waiter who's just a little bit lost in life.

WHAT'S ON HIS FACE: The most perfect mustache that has ever sat atop an upper lip.

BONUS POINTS: For having a porn 'stache you want to come home to.

Flawless victory.

HBO

Looking airs this week on Saturday, Feb. 1, at 10:30 p.m. on HBO, before returning to its regular time slot on Sunday, Feb. 9, at 10:30 p.m.