Ranking The Beards, Scruff, And Mustaches On "Looking"

According to HBO’s new series about three gay men in San Francisco, the City by the Bay is a land where facial hair is plentiful. Here are the beard-y moments from the first three episodes, ranked from worst to best.

Note: Episode 3 of Looking airs Saturday, Feb. 1, at 10:30 p.m. on HBO, but it is currently available on HBO Go. SPOILER ALERT if you have not seen it yet!

ID: 2352419

19. This bartender:

HBO / Via youtube.com

WHO: Dom’s co-worker, who tells him not to sleep with the new busboy.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A full beard, y’all.
BONUS POINTS: This guy is losing a lot of hair in the front. Smart move to make up for it with some strong sideburns. Good job, good effort.

ID: 2343265

18. This stripper:

HBO / Via youtube.com

WHO: This really hot guy who dances at Patrick’s ex-boyfriend’s bachelor party.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: His mustache-to-beard extension game is very strong.
MINUS POINTS: For probably waxing his junk.

ID: 2343247

17. The oncologist Patrick met on OKCupid:


WHO: Probably one of the most annoying characters on the show so far. He makes Patrick feel really awkward on their horrible first date.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A healthy dusting of scruff.
MINUS POINTS: For being such a horrible date.

ID: 2343259

16. Gabe:


WHO: The fiancé of Patrick’s ex-boyfriend Jason. Patrick describes him as “portly” and he’s not totally wrong.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A whole damn fluffy situation.
BONUS POINTS: Gabe has two things that Patrick doesn’t: facial hair and a (soon-to-be) husband.

ID: 2343369

15. The hairy guy in the woods:


WHO: The guy Patrick meets while cruising in the park.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: Well, Patrick fairly described his level of hairiness later as “gym teacher hairy.”
BONUS POINTS: Those shiny silver specks peppered in for good measure.

ID: 2343367

14. Agustín:




WHO: Patrick’s best friend and a floundering artist who’s just moved in with his boyfriend.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: There’s a full-face situation happening here.
MINUS POINTS: Unfortunately, that overly furry soul patch he’s got makes him lose a few points. Boy needs to get to a barber and get the beast under control.

ID: 2350187

13. This blond dude:


WHO: Just a rando at Jason’s bachelor party.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: Some Spencer Pratt-esque blond fur.
BONUS POINTS: For having such a good time at a shared bachelor party.

ID: 2343368

12. This guy on the Muni:


WHO: Some guy, who also happens to be BuzzFeed’s Books Editor.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A very nice beard.
MINUS POINTS: It’s nighttime and you had sunglasses on top of your head. What the hell are you doing?

ID: 2343370

11. This cool deck hand/bouncer:


WHO: This saluting stud greets Patrick and Owen when they arrive at their company’s boat party.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: Scruff, trimmed with military precision.
BONUS POINTS: The cool shades.

ID: 2349054

10. This random daddy partygoer:


WHO: He only appears for a split second in the third episode, but it’s the best second.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: Perfect salt-and-pepper stubble.
BONUS POINTS: Who are you and why aren’t you part of the main cast?

ID: 2349061

9. Patrick’s unnamed cub co-worker:


WHO: A guy at Patrick’s table at the boat party.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A nicely trimmed beard that your dad would be proud of.
BONUS POINTS: For laughing along and being a good, cute extra.

ID: 2349059

8. Scotty:




WHO: He’s the lucky guy who gets to have a threesome with Agustín and Frank.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A furry blanket of happiness.
MINUS POINTS: OK, he’s probably the hottest guy on the show, but he already has enough good things. Let’s share the wealth.

ID: 2343304

7. Frank:


WHO: Agustín’s boyfriend, who’s an old person at heart and just wants to stay in all the time.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: Short stubble, like your neighbor’s perfectly trimmed lawn on a hot summer’s day.
BONUS POINTS: That insanely adorable smile!

ID: 2349051

6. This video game character:


WHO: A character Patrick designs in his company’s newest game.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: The facial hair of a man who’s been out to sea for too long.
MINUS POINTS: For not being real.

ID: 2349062

5. This sailor waiter:


WHO: A smiley gentleman working at Patrick’s company party.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A satisfying amount of stubble.
MINUS POINTS: For not dropping his tray of drinks and sweeping Patrick off of his feet so that he can be part of the story and join the main cast.

ID: 2349056

4. This really cute sex worker:




WHO: A sex worker Agustín meets in a café in the show’s third episode. He has an expensive hourly rate.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: Zeus-like perfection.

ID: 2350412

3. Kevin:


WHO: Patrick’s new coworker.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: A five o’clock shadow worth lusting over.
BONUS POINTS: His British accent, obviously.

ID: 2349066

I mean, are you kidding me with this cuteness?

ID: 2349077

2. Richie:


WHO: Patrick’s latest love interest, whom he meets on the Muni.
BONUS POINTS: For being really forward with Patrick, while also being insanely kind and perfect.

ID: 2343269

It’s so patchy, while still being totally put together. I have no idea how he does it. He is a god amongst men.

ID: 2349053

1. Dom




WHO: Patrick and Agustín’s friend and a cruising waiter who’s just a little bit lost in life.
WHAT’S ON HIS FACE: The most perfect mustache that has ever sat atop an upper lip.
BONUS POINTS: For having a porn ‘stache you want to come home to.

ID: 2350519

Flawless victory.

ID: 2349085

Looking airs this week on Saturday, Feb. 1, at 10:30 p.m. on HBO, before returning to its regular time slot on Sunday, Feb. 9, at 10:30 p.m.

ID: 2352504

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