1. Easy knitting pattern? Psht. Yeah, right.
2. Maybe I'll make a cake this weekend.
3. Do I even have a mixing bowl?
4. Spatulas are for flipping shit, not icing cakes.
5. Ohhh...that kind of spatula.
6. Even if I COULD make that, why the hell would I want it?
7. What is Mod Podge even?
8. How dare they call melted crayons art.
9. What if I make a gallery wall?
10. They make it look sooo easy!
11. Where's the tutorial?
12. Multiple steps? NOPE!
13. Whatever. I'm too broke for that anyway.
14. I thought the point of DIY was to not spend money.
15. Look at this at-home hair tutorial! My stylist is robbing me.
16. The term "easy" is subjective.
17. I look at these fancy-schmancy braids and I only see failure and sore arms.
18. Wait. I came here for curtains. Need to get back on track.
19. I have to sew something? Nah.
20. Ooh that blanket is nice.
21. Where's it from? How much does it cost?
22. She made it?! Not happening.
23. How to Organize Your Craft Room?
24. PEOPLE HAVE FUCKING CRAFT ROOMS?!
25. Clearly I'm living in squalor.
26. Hmmm...that doughnut tower would be amazing at a Christmas party.
27. But I wasn't planning to have a Christmas party...
28. Maybe I should?
29. Damn! Look at those DIY wreaths. Classy AF.
30. The supplies cost HOW MUCH?!
31. Jk. Never mind. No Christmas party.
32. I'm trying to SAVE money.
33. I don't have Oprah-level funds!
34. Even if I did, I would not be DIY-inig shit.
35. Oh my gawd. Look at that white fur capelet!
36. Forget a Christmas party.
37. A winter wedding would be way better.
38. I could probably make my own invitations.
39. And I could decorate the venue with those cute fairy lights.
40. How are they being held up like that?
41. There's no duct tape showing or anything! Impressive!
42. So what if I'm single?
43. Not thinking ahead would be irresponsible.
44. I could put a waffle maker on my registry.
45. Would I actually use it though?
46. No, no I wouldn't.
47. Maybe I'll have a garden party.
48. If it's during the day I won't have to splurge on booze.
49. But I did see a pin about homemade moonshine.
50. Is that illegal?
51. Do people actually throw parties like this?
52. Who the hell has time to make all that?
53. DIY streamers?
54. Haven't these people heard of Party City?
55. I could buy desserts at Costco and make whipped cream or something.
56. No one will notice, right?
57. Have doughnuts always been this trendy?
58. What about pineapples?
59. I thought kale was the trendy produce?
60. When did I fall so behind?
61. A gold pineapple?
62. Did they just spray-paint an ACTUAL pineapple?
63. That's so wasteful!
64. Fine... It is kind of cute.
65. Especially as a centerpiece.
66. What else can I spray-paint gold?
67. What's a Cricut?
68. Fuck that's expensive!
69. But curtains though.
70. WHY ARE THE SO EXPENSIVE?!
71. Drop cloth curtains? WTF!
72. Why don't I just paint the place orange and hang a "Welcome to Home Depot" sign?
73. Curtains will have to wait.
74. At least until I can buy deodorant without flinching at the price.
75. How is it 3 a.m.?! HOW HOW HOW?