1. Miley Cyrus. The VMAs. Brooklyn. 2013. This is the year Miley is showing the world that she’s a ~grown woman~. Sound familiar…?
2. Of course it does. Clearly, Miley’s inspiration for the night was none other than the queen of the VMAs herself, pop music extraordinaire and everyday legend: Miss Britney Spears.
The following is a case study of what Miley was going for vs. what actually happened.
4. WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Appear mysteriously. Britney achieved this with dramatic music and a giant spider-looking thing that turned around to reveal her literal “not so innocent” self.
5. WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Miley came out of a monkey’s chest.
6. WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: She was trying to have her “I’m a grown woman!” moment. Britney achieved this with a sexy and sparkly striptease. She also wore a fedora and one of those cordless pop music microphones.
7. OMG! So cutting edge.
8. THAT THONG. So unexpected.
9. WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: She danced around with a bunch of oversized stuffed animals and unenthused pink bears.
10. She fist-pumped and screamed.
11. And had a stuffed animal rub her back.
12. Then her clothes came off and she took out a large finger with a big red nail.
13. WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Get into the zone and really have a moment with herself. Britney achieved this by dancing her ass off. She also had crimped hair.
14. WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Scream with an oversized finger with a big red nail.
15. WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Stripper chic.
16. WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Rub a finger that had a huge red nail in her crotch.
17. And she stuck her tongue out a lot.
18. WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Make sexy, sophisticated, yet raunchy faces.
19. Britney achieved this because she’s a flawless and iconic human being.
20. WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Point a large fake finger at Robin Thicke.
21. The fake finger was also used as a faux penis.
22. WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Steal the show.
23. WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Make pink bears sad.
25. Basically, I think you get the point. This is how you do a coming-of-age performance:
26. And this is how you don’t:
27. DO NOT TRY TO BE THE QUEEN.
28. It will only end in disappointment and failure.
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