Taylor Swift Makes Everyone Around Her Look Like Shit

The phenomenon explored.

1. Observation:


Taylor Swift is perpetually walking an imaginary runway. She has this rare condition where she always looks perfect. Unfortunately for people who aren’t Taylor Swift, this means everyone around her looks like shit. She is always making everyone look like shit.

2. Exhibit A: Taylor has the ability to shift her eyes in just the right position. Her hips have this majestic quality to them. They’re almost inhuman.

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3. Exhibit B: Taylor has this pout that is ON POINT. Another one of her talents is bag posturing. Her bags always look effortless and weightless even though they’re probably full of expensive shit.

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4. Exhibit C: No one looks good when it’s raining in NYC. NO ONE.

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5. Exhibit D: You get the point. It’s freakish.

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6. So now let’s take a look at the people around her.

7. Using that last photo and technology called “cropping” I will point out how Taylor makes the average person look like shit.

8. In this photo, Taylor is making this man look “fleshy” and “frizzy.” Both of which might not be true if Taylor Swift wasn’t in the photo.

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9. Now another photo. As you can see, Taylor is listening to music in a flawless fashion.

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10. See how the man behind her looks in comparison:

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So confused.

11. Here’s another angle for good measure…

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12. … damn you, Taylor.

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13. This is how Taylor Swift looks carrying a Whole Foods shopping bag.

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14. And this is how the average person looks. Normal people look where they’re walking because they’re afraid of falling on their face. Taylor Swift doesn’t need to look because she isn’t normal.

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15. Here Taylor Swift is ~flashing~ a cute, casual, hard to pull off half-smile…

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16. … what she doesn’t realize is that she’s making this dude look like crap!

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17. And this one. Taylor is leaving a store looking “renewed.” No one is happy after shopping all day. Shopping is exhausting.

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18. See this girl’s face, this is what a normal person looks like. She’s in shock.

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19. Another example of Taylor Swift leaving a restaurant. Normal people would look full, bloated, and have quite a few stains on their clothing…not Taylor though! She defies the laws of natural eating logic.

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20. She’s just making this guy in the back look like a creepy bloated blurry fool.

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21. Here’s another poor man captured in Taylor’s presence. Even when she’s blinking it’s “runway ready,” which means nothing but I think you get the point.

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22. Poor man!

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23. Lastly, even the animal kingdom can’t escape the Taylor curse.

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24. She makes this dog’s ass look gross!

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25. Please, Taylor. Stop the madness. You’re making us all look like shit.

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