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95 Reasons Why The VMAs Are Absolutely NOTHING Without Britney Spears

A VMAs without Britney Spears is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the peanut butter, the jelly, and also the bread. Please grace us with your presence this year, Britney! posted on

1. Behold, the Metropolitan Opera House in New York City. It is 9/9/1999. A small-town girl with a massive hit, Britney Jean Spears, is about to change MTV/the world/your lives… forever.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

2. She walks the the red carpet in some insane shiny mini-coat and snakeskin pants. Even she wonders what the fuck she’s wearing.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Brenda Chase

3. It is her time to perform. With a snap, she commands our attention.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

4. It works. Her loneliness, which was killing her just before, is killing her no more.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

5. She’s captivating. The guy behind her is literally touching himself it’s so good.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

6. Mother Earth is literally orgasming.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

7. And from that moment on, the VMAs were hers.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

8. It’s 2000. She’s back. The owner, manager, and overall HBIC, Britney Spears. Her hair is crimped. It is pretty funny.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

9. She walks by her adoring fans outside of Radio City Music Hall in New York City. All eyes on her (except for that jealous troll behind her in the doorway).

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

10. As the masses cheer, she lets out a giggle. “He he.” It is iconic.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Nick Elgar

11. She giggles again. It is still iconic. She has basically already stolen the show (again) and it hasn’t even begun!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ George De Sota

12. There is a can of beer next to her…

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

13. …the can smiles. The queen of the VMAs is here!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

14. “I love you, Little Budweiser!” she says. “I have to run, though. I’m about to beat the living shit out of this awards show!”

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

15. Then the most epic VMA medley of all time happened. It starts with “Satisfaction” and leads into “Oops.”

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

16. She calls out: “Ooooooh yaaayughh.”

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17. The audience is immediately drawn into her magnetic presence.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

18. It is spiritual.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

19. She is now the high priestess of the VMAs.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

20. She is basically speaking in tongues.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

21. LOOK AT MY RHINESTONED THONG.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

22. LOOK AT MY CRIMPED HAIR.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

23. LOOK AT ME POUNDING THE GROUND.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

24. The crowd is blown away. The spell worked. We are all under it.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

25. Now it’s time for Britney to upstage Christina…

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26. … again.

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27. Sorry, Xtina! There is room for only one queen and high priestess of the VMAs. Bye!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

28. It’s now 2001. Three years in a row of Britney ruling the VMAs. This year she comes bearing gifts. This gift is called “I’m a Slave 4 U.”

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ George De Sota

29. What a generous humanitarian.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ George De Sota

30. And the queen has arrived. With a live tiger. So dangerous.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

31. She unleashes.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

32. “Get it. Get it.”

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33. “Dance up on me.”

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34. “I AM BACK TO RECLAIM MY AWARDS SHOW.”

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35. “YOU LOVE MY PERFECT WEAVE,” she coos.

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36. Then she brings out a SNAKE named BANANA.

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37. IT IS ALL TOO MUCH.

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38. BANANANNANANANANA!!

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39. The snake can’t even handle it. “Now look at my weave again,” she whispers.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

40. The members of the audience are literally fawning over the royal queen.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

41. They are screaming:

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42. It’s basically some Illuminati shit.

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43. “GIVE ME YOUR ILLUMINATI SHIT,” they say.

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44. So she does. “Like that.” Another year. Another awards show stolen. What else even happened that year is irrelevant.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

45. She does a post-show interview with Mick Jagger. It is iconic, duh.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ George De Sota

46. 2002! What the fuck is she wearing! Who cares!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Mark Mainz

47. She is chewing gum. Everything is good in the world.

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48. Chris Kirkpatrick is there. Lol.

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49. She grants an interview to a rabbit. What a kind animal lover she is.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

50. She walks the red carpet. Some lesser being tells her to move on. She gives him the side-eye. This is her show.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Mark Mainz

51. But whatevs! The queen of the VMAs has obligations. She struts off.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Mark Mainz

52. She gives an award to Michael Jackson because she is generous.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

53. He is wearing knee pads.

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54. They hold hands.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

55. Michael Jackson asks to take a photo with her. And she leaves. What a great and memorable night!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

56. It’s 2003.

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57. It’s almost easy now. THIS. IS. BRITNEY’S. SHOW.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Evan Agostini

58. Britney opens the show. A vision in white, she descends from a giant wedding cake.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

59. Madonna and C****** A******* come out.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

60. She holds Madonna’s hat because she is a good host — this is her house, after all.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

61. That face, you guys. That face.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

62. Madonna looks nervous. Britney looks perfect. Christina is probably farting.

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63. Britney pretends to be jealous. She sticks the mic in her boobs.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

64. Madonna goes down on Britney. Britney enjoys it.

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65. Madonna and Britney share a tender moment. Christina creepily watches on.

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66. Lock it up. Night over. You might as well just end the show right here.

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67. THE TENDERNESS IS OVERWHELMING.

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68. Missy comes out. She obviously gravitates toward Britney. Christina tries to dance with Madonna.

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69. Shit gets crazy. Britney always knows how to throw the best parties!

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70. It ends. Time for some cheese grits.

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71. *Besties*

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72. 2007! The queen is back after a far-too-long hiatus. The most anticipated performer of the night!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

73. She laughs. It’s Britney, bitch. Welcome home!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

74. It’s basically brilliant.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

75. Fuck all the haters.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

76. Even with this messy and awkward lifting-of-the-leg dance move, she did it.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

77. Yeah, OK, yikes.

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78. Not so much.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

79. OK so yeah, maybe it wasn’t *brilliant* but it was totally entertaining and helped MTV break records because Britney is a fucking legend and she owns the VMAs.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

80. Bye now. Anyways…

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81. 2008! The year of the comeback!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

82. In one word, she looked: foiasdflkjas;lkdf90q4r0qwejgpfiqw-98ertq98werijpasdgjpoareiopuqwer (in a good way).

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

83. Then she won mad awards.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

84. Showed off dat ass because damn that ass.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

85. Me? Who me?

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86. THAT FACE.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

87. So humble!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

88. So composed!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

89. So humble and composed at the same time!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

90. She can’t even hold all of the awards.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

91. “YAAAAAAA,” she says.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frederick M. Brown

92. What a great night! “I love my show!” She told reporters.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frederick M. Brown

93. Three more LONG years pass of boring VMA shows. It’s 2011. Britney decided to show up to her show to accept her award!

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

94. Lady Gaga tried so hard. Poor girl.

95. “Thanks for the award! It really wouldn’t be a true VMAs without me!” she said. It was so gracious of her to give the VMAs a little of her time.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Kevin Winter

In conclusion, PLEASE GO TO THE VMAS THIS YEAR. The VMAs are not the VMAs without you!

/fin.

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