1. HI, HELLO, HEY THERE. GOOD DAY, EVA.
2. OK, you won.
3. Congrats! Really, I’m happy for you. You did it!
4. But I just have to say. I’ve read history and I know some things. While everything may seem really happy and great now, I’d just thought I’d give you a heads up.
5. LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU:
7. … Ryan’s dog probably does not. George isn’t into that shit.
8. That’s a problem.
9. I also found this interesting article… it’s very interesting.
10. That’s a problem.
11. And another thing I heard about you is that your favorite food is bread. Ryan’s favorite food is calamari.
12. That’s a problem.
13. So, while the battle may be won…
14. … the war isn’t over.
15. The thirst will never be quenched.
16. There will always be a map to ur man.
17. Oh also, here’s this picture and I don’t know what it means but it concerns me.
- Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders clashed on immigration, Obama, and Kissinger (!) in Thursday's Democratic debate. We have a recap for you 🇺🇸
- NYPD Officer Peter Liang was found guilty of manslaughter in the 2014 shooting of Akai Gurley, an unarmed black man.
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz.