1. It has come to my attention after browsing the internet and (obviously) frequenting locations where men take off their shirts in public that we are in the midst of an epidemic.
2. If I had a siren to play all over the world, I would. But instead, please play this GIF.
4. It’s a goddamn plague out there, guys. A pandemic!
5. The strange thing about this specific outbreak is that we know exactly the cause: fucking razors.
6. Here’s what is happening:
1. Men are buying razors.
2. Men are putting razors to their chest.
3. Men are shaving their chests.
4. Men are transforming into smooth-shaven puffy tweens.