1. The squeezed tube of toothpaste:
Svelte and compact, the cat’s body reaches a crescendo in the head region, bursting forth with the long hair it was destined to grow. (Bonus points if the tip of the tail also resembles a sad, sad explosion.)
2. The blissfully unaware bobble head:
Does she look like a fool? Yes. Does she know? Definitely not.
We’re not saying this dog would be better off embarrassed, but it’s that sweet ignorance that leaves us envious, recalling the terrible haircuts of our youth that we wished we could just forget about.
3. The king of the jungle:
An ordinary housecat is magically transformed into the top of the food chain, the most ferocious of safari animals.
And yet, when a dog or cat is shaved to look like a lion, one result invariably occurs…
…sadness. Mockery, and sadness. You are no king, but a sad, shaven fool.
4. The tell-us-how-you-REALLY-feel:
What this look lacks in subtlety it gains in pizzazz. (Though I think that goes without saying.)
5. The silent loss of dignity:
Whoever shaved this guy has won the battle, but he wants you to know that he will win the war. YOU CAN SHAVE HIS HAIR, BUT NOT HIS DIGNITY!
On second thought, that looks a lot like they’ve shaved away his dignity.
6. The creepy-ass ferret being a creepy-ass ferret:
Seriously, ferrets are creepy. Regardless of how much hair they have.
7. The saddest/cutest little llama:
That little smile! The almost gravity-defying poof at the top of the neck! It’s like an adorable creature has mated with a palm tree, and this is the glorious result. Also, it’s pretty pathetic, in an endearing way.
8. The is-he-actually-a-member-of-the-Fleet-Foxes-with-that-magnificent-beard:
No, but really. This guy needs to be in an indie band, stat. There’s no way this beard should go unexploited for the good of all.
9. The guinea pig/hippo/guinea pig:
Sure, you could stay cool about this, or you could imagine setting up four guinea pigs in a circle and then making them battle for little white balls like they’re Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
10. The saddest little shih tzu ever. EVER:
Someone give that thing a hug.
11. The draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-girls:
Those beautiful curves upon the sofa. Oh yes.
Or, uh, oh god. Whatever you say, cat. Just don’t hurt me.
12. And finally…. the transformer poodle:
No stranger to unfortunate shaving patterns, these poodles have been changed into something else entirely. Here we have the zombie poodle… the zomboodle, if you will.
And, of course, here’s the peacock poodle. The peadle? Poocock? Perhaps this one is too sad to even deserve a name.