1. This is Bacon.
2. He’s judging you.
3. Not because he’s mean or anything…
4. …but because he’s so much better than you.
5. He knows what’s important in life, and often demands outside excursions to commune with nature.
6. Or an all-chocolate dinner feast.
7. He’s well aware that he’s super good looking.
8. And is comfortable admitting that he’s basically God’s gift to anyone with eyes lucky enough to gaze upon him.
9. He’s also a courageous and fierce hunter. Just look at the vicious squirrel he has slain and delivered to you!
10. He’s super stealthy, too.
11. With a little sleight of hand, Bacon can make anything his.
12. But with a face like this, you’re likely to give him anything he wants anyway.
13. See, Bacon has poise.
14. He has style.
15. He has a smile that will make you melt.
16. And he can be downright intimidating when he wants to be.
17. He’s not above looking a little goofy for the sake of a laugh, though
18. Just not TOO goofy, obviously.
19. He has a reputation to uphold, after all. It’s tough work being this sophisticated all the time!
20. See, even cats as naturally fabulous as Bacon get a bit overwhelmed sometimes.
21. Key word: sometimes. And definitely not for long.
22. Because if there’s one thing Bacon’s good at, it’s being fabulous.
23. So at this point you’ve probably realized that Bacon is everything you want to be in life, right?
24. Just remember to be yourself and follow your dreams. Oh, and you should never forget that no matter what you do, Bacon will be better than you.
25. Sorry, it’s just the truth!