17 Reasons Why Armadillos Should Be Blowing Your Freakin' Mind Right Now

I'm sorry are you under the impression that Armadillos AREN'T the best animals of all time? Step aside, buddy. You've got some learnin' to do.

Oh hey there, citizen of planet Earth. What are you up to? Thinking about something other than armadillos? Time to fix that immediately.

Via momostyllables.blogspot.com

Because armadillos? Yeah, they're the fucking shit.

Via momostyllables.blogspot.com

1. OK so first we need to talk about how cute this baby is. See that thing? Adorable.

Via funscrape.com

Okay it may or may not be eating sludge but whatever, just focus on the cute.

2. And next, let's talk about how nine-banded armadillos have IDENTICAL QUADRUPLETS every time they reproduce.

Via myths-made-real.blogspot.com

She either has four identical girls, or four identical boys. NUTS.

3. Oh, and armadillos can delay their pregnancy. That's right... they can mate and then decide that they're too stressed out to get pregnant, and voila, not pregnant yet! They can put the whole thing on hold for up to two years.

wildlifehotline.com / Via wildlifehotline.com!prettyPhoto

And then, when they feel like it, they get to give birth to THIS RAVISHING DELIGHT. Are you jealous? You should be.

4. Armadillos don't have a lot of body fat, so they're pretty much the runway models of nature.

Via costaricaforest.wordpress.com

And, uh, they have a very low metabolism, so if they're caught in cold weather they die. How about that?

5. And their low body temperature paired with a weak immune system makes them perfect candidates for medical research. A portion of the population even has leprosy and is generous enough to share it with humans!

Via hothdwallpaper.net

6. Also, they're super talented. The screaming hairy armadillo has a song only the gods could imitate.

youtube.com / Via youtube.com

And that BELLY HAIR. What could be better? Don't you just want to brush that fuzz til it shines?

7. American Idol contestants got nothing on these lil' screamers.

Via solar.calfinder.com

Not in looks or talent.

8. And who wouldn't want to cuddle up with one of these guys?

Via Flickr: wcdumonts

9. Oh, also, when armadillos aren't being the ideal cuddle partners, they're super impressive athletes. Just look at this guy swim!

Via quantumbiologist.wordpress.com

Armadillos can hold their breath up to SIX MINUTES. That's long enough to go underwater and escape two terrible songs...or to travel where you need to go. Move over, Michael Phelps. There's a new swimmer in town.

10. They're also really good at climbing, and have been known to scale fences.

Via aaanimalcontrol.com

Moral of the story: Never try to block out armadillos from your life. They'll find a way in, and you'll be forced to love them anyway.

11. AND they can run! See? This guy is so overcome by the majesty of the armadillo he's desperately trying to catch it.

Via aaanimalcontrol.com

What's that you say? He's wearing an Animal Control uniform? NONSENSE. He's in love!

12. And this cute little guy wants you to know that "armadillo" in Spanish means "little armored one."

Via acuteaday.com

The armadillo is actually covered in many small bones that comprise their "armor."

13. In fact, the three-banded armadillos have the ability to roll up into a ball.

Via lonestarlore.blogspot.com

They're like Pokémon only BETTER. SO MUCH BETTER.

14. The nine-banded armadillo has the very distinct (and entirely appropriate) honor of being the state small mammal of Texas!

Via nhptv.org

The nine-banded is the only type of armadillo that has a growing population; all other species (there are 20 total!) are nearing extinction due to human-related environmental factors.

15. And when they're not busy being symbols of greatness, they're LEAPING MAJESTICALLY THROUGH THE AIR.

Via news.nationalgeographic.com

Gravity = no longer relevant.

16. Also, the nine-banded armadillo is SO awesome (and reliant on warm weather) that the population is SPREADING NORTHWARD.

Via npr.org

Y'know, due to global warming. And also due to the fact that their awesomeness needs to reach all corners of the world. COME TO ME, ARMADILLOS!

17. And this little guy is trundling through the grass to show off how CUTE HIS LIL EARS ARE. Just look at them!

Via pbase.com

Is your mind blown yet? Yes? Figured. It's only logical.

Now that you know, it's time. Time for you to go forth into this world and spread the word about armadillos. Teach the world about their cuteness, their talents, their melodic singing!

Because honestly, what else would you be doing with your life? There's nothing better than this.